𝙊𝘽𝙎𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉 | 𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙃 𝙒𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝘼𝙈𝙎𝙊𝙉

Chapter 41 - Holding Back

Madeline's POV

My heart felt like it stopped for a few seconds, i looked at leah repeating what she just said in my head. This is exactly what i didn't want, i didn't want this stupid decision i had made to affect the way leah felt about me. I knew how much this meant to her, the way she talked about sebastian, the way she was with kids.

Somehow leah was great with them, maybe i was just scared i wouldn't be as good as she was if we ever did have a child together.

"W-what do you mean? You can't what?" i asked, i felt my eyes get watery but i tried not to show much emotion.

Leah took a deep breath and looked down at the floor, i was really hoping it wasn't what i thought it was.

"I can't...i can't have kids, if i could i wouldn't have asked you to be the one getting pregnant." leah said. I blinked at leah and looked at her blue eyes, i didn't know. I felt even more shitty now having said what i said earlier, it was stupid.

"I'm sorry- i didn't know, about what i said earlier...i didn't mean any of it- i swear-"

"Madeline, i know you didn't know...i never told you so don't worry about it."

"Well..what's wrong? Why can't you..." i shrugged not sure if i was being too invasive, i was curious though. "...If you want to tell me..."

"I have endometriosis." leah said, i've heard about it before but i'd never met anyone with it. "It's when tissue kind of similar to the lining of my uterus grows outside of my uterus. It basically causes really bad menstrual cycles, bad cramps, pain in my pelvis area and sometimes infertility." 

Hearing how much she had to go through, it sounded like literal hell i could barely handle my period cramps i didn't want to imagine what she went through. 

"So you can't conceive at all..." i said with a tone of worry in my voice.

"Well, there's a slight chance i could but it would be a longer process...and i'd need help and medication to make sure it all goes good. I'd have to talk to a doctor about it.." leah looked me in the eyes. 

"Oh..." hearing that made me even more determined to give leah this, obviously not right now but at some point. I knew how much this meant to her, and the fact that she couldn't do it herself made me want to give it to her even more.

"But Madeline..." leah said, her tone gave me a bit of anxiety. "I don't think i can do this..not to you." leah shook her head, her hand made it's way over to mine and she held my hand in her lap. I looked up and her and blinked in confusion. "If you don't want this, i don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do." 

I shook my head slowly and looked at her. "I don't-"

"I know how you feel about this...but i really want a family- if you're not willing to give me that...what's the point of us staying together.."

My heart felt like it had been crushed inside of leah's hand. 

I sat back and turned to her while staying sat on the bed, i couldn't believe what i was hearing. 

"You're breaking up with me?" i asked, i could hear my voice crack a little towards the end but i didn't care. I didn't want to lose leah. "Leah- you didn't let me finish what i was going to say..." i said.