Jealousy

Apologies

I went into mine and Kyra's house, I was fuming. I had told Katie no and yet she still somehow forced me into spending time with her. How dare she? I went to my room, Kyra wasn't home so I blared out some music as I tried to calm myself down.

My frustration and anger didn't take long to go but now it was replaced with regret and guilt. Katie had only tried to do what Jonas had asked of us, I had been a bitch instead of trying to be civil. In any other situation I would have remained professional. I try to push it at the back of my mind and get on with some house work, Kyra and I hadn't been home much recently and so things were just placed anywhere and the pile of washing was getting bigger by the day.

I put some washing into the washer and set the details into the washer for what wash I wanted. Then I washed the pots that had been left in the sink. As I wash the pots my mind goes back to the cafe, the way Katie looked when I snapped at her. She almost looked hurt, maybe she was. Katie is a human after all, I'm sure she's capable of having feelings. My head told me I should still be angry, I had every right to be. I was forced into doing something I had said no to, it was a violation of my personal life and space. I shake my head before drying and putting away the pots.

I look up at the clock in the kitchen 6pm. Kyra would likely be home soon, I hoped. I set to making dinner for the two of us, something simple yet delicious. I keep my music playing as I cooked, singing along here and there. It wasn't doing the best job of taking my mind off the way I treated Katie. I soon finished making food and set the table of Kyra and I.

When Kyra walked through the door 20 minutes later, I walked right up to her, throwing my arms round her and giving her a tight hug. "Woah, Lils... what's wrong babs?" I squeezed my eyes shut and quietly continued to hug her. "I'm a bad person. I upset someone, I feel bad." I say with a sigh, a couple of minutes later. "What? Who? You're not a bad person Lils, you're fucking amazing. Don't say you're bad, you're far from it." Kyra gently rubs my back. "I don't want to talk about it, I just really need a hug." I sigh. "Oh love. Let me cook us something." Kyra said sympathetically. "I already did...let's eat, hey?"

I take her hand and guide her to our table, I plate up our food and we sit to eat it. "Hmm, this is delicious." Kyra compliments. "It's nothing special, Ky." I smile weakly. "Babs... are you sure you don't want to talk about it? It might help?" I nod lightly. "I don't want to. Your hug helped, they always do... thank you for being there for me always." I swallow my food. "Lils, you know I will always have your back, no matter what. You'd do the same for me." Kyra confirms gently giving my hand a squeeze in comfort across the table. "Thanks Ky." I smile. "No need to thank me. Lils you're the best person, you're human. If you've upset someone then it won't have been done on a whim, you're not the type to purposely hurt or upset someone. It's not you." Kyra stated. I listened quietly, was she right? Was it out of character for me? I'd felt so much hate and anger recently, was I changing?

"I'm gonna head up for a bath." I said after dinner. "No worries, I'll wash up. Thank you for cooking, it was delicious. Go and enjoy a soak, I'll be down here when you're done." Kyra smiled. I head upstairs and run a bath, I then go and sit on my bed for a few minutes while it filled up. Picking up my phone, I unlocked it and headed over to WhatsApp... my finger danced over 'McCabe'. Do I text her, would she even read my message if I did text? I feel so conflicted and guilty. I sigh chucking my phone to one side and get into the bath that was now ready. I soaked in the bath, my mind going a million miles an hour. I need to make things right, where do I start? What should I say? Katie would surely hold a grudge against me now. Would it make it awkward at Arsenal? Maybe we would play far worse than we had been playing. How on earth am I going to be able to face her during training, we're paired for the rest of the season. I take a deep breath in and let out a hard sigh. I'm exhausted from all the thinking.