Jealousy

Kyra...?

I'd been back home for two days now, it was strange being home alone. I'd gotten so used to Leah following me round like a lost puppy, Beth cracking jokes every so often and then of course I missed not having Hempo and Chloe with me everyday. You could say I had been suffering with post camp blues, I had nothing to do and no one to pester me. Life was quiet...too quiet for my liking. Damn I even missed having Kyra at home, it's not even like we're talking since the whole cheating thing. I checked my phone for new messages... nothing. I sighed and decided to be productive, I can only put off doing the laundry and putting away all my stuff from camp for so long. In hindsight, I'd feel better knowing it's done, the rest of the day is mine. It didn't take long to get the washing done and put away, I decided to stay in my room and relax for a bit, I put on my TV and decided to watch a couple of episodes of Geordie Shore. I had a Coffee and some toast in bed while watching it.

Toast finished and one episode down, my phone began to ring. My first thought was Katie, she still had one more day at camp, my brain kicked in shortly after. The ringtone wasn't Katie's so it definitely wasn't her, regardless I answered anyway. "Hello." I spoke, not really focused on whoever was on the other end. I really need to start looking at the caller ID before answering. I regretted not doing so in that particular moment, I mentally kicked myself when I realised who I'd answered to. "Hey, can you talk?" Kyra asked into the phone. I bite my lip, pausing the TV and clearing my throat. "Uh, yeah sure." I reply, I wanted to question what she so desperately needed to talk to me about but I'm fairly sure I already know, exactly what Kyra wants to talk about. "Good, I wanted to do this while you were alone. It's between you and I, no one else...So, you and Katie?" She starts. Of course, word gets round fast. Thanks for that, Alessia.

"What about Katie and I?" Bite my lip, curious to see where she was gonna take this or what she might say next. "Did you ever love me?" Kyra speaks again, I scoff. "I'm sorry what? Of course I did." Did she really go there? She was the one who cheated on me, not the other way around. "You moved on so fast didn't you? We broke up and you literally went and spent a week with her." I hear Kyra swallow hard. "Don't lie to me Lili, were you seeing her when you were in a relationship with me?" Kyra asked, her voice cracked. "Ok, let me just stop you there. Firstly, I don't understand why you're upset? You had been sleeping with Lessi while in a relationship with me. I did not do that to you. I refuse to discuss Katie with you, Kyra. You're crazy if you think I would." I scoff. "Just tell me, have you fucked her?" Kyra snapped. "I don't understand why you're so hung up over Katie..." I started to say, Kyra speaks up again. "Just tell me Lili. Did you fuck Katie?" I stay silent, debating what I'd say in reply and how to word whatever I choose to say next. "Fine, you wanna know? I'll tell you. Yes I have, she's incredible. I don't really know what it is, you want to hear." I sigh. "In Manchester? In a hotel." She questions, now she sounds pissed off. "Everywhere..." I sigh, part of me enjoying that it's winding Kyra up, but also part of me fed up with the 20 questions. "You're unbelievable. Like I said, you moved on fast. You were supposed to hate her... like how did yous even end up...you clearly lied to me." Kyra scoffs.

I was getting cross at Kyra playing the victim, she had been the one who hurt me, not the other way around.  "Are you done?" I take in a deep breath. "I guess." Kyra sighed. "Good. I'm gonna go if that's all." I rubbed my temples, I had done nothing wrong. But why does it feel like I have? "No, I need to know... when did you fall for her? I'm seriously confused. You hated her and now you're in a relationship with her?" Kyra backtracked. "Look, it's not official yet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't go telling the world." I sigh. "Stop ignoring my questions. Is she just a rebound, like casual sex?" Kyra's tone changed, she almost sounded happier. "She's not. She's so much more." I shake my head, a small smile on my lips as I think about Katie. "I blame Jonas, he forced you two to bond and he lost me my girlfriend. Why does she get you?" Kyra sighs. "Kyra, you and I both know, you losing me was not Katie's fault. You chose to sleep with Lessi, you chose to cheat. Katie was there for me, she's been so good to me. She's been incredible... she's the most kindest, caring person...she's literally dried every tear and taken care of me." I breathe out. "Yeah looks like she's fucked you dumb. You hate her Lili..." Kyra scoffed. "No I really don't..." I scoff. "I'm gonna go Kyra, get back to your girlfriend..." Kyra sighs at the other end of the phone "I don't think she'll be my girlfriend for much longer..." Kyra whispers. I blink twice, surely she hadn't said that... had she? "Ok, what's going on?" I ask softly. "No don't worry about me. I'm not your problem anymore." Kyra says flippantly. "Kyra... you know I'd be there if you needed a friend. I'm not a heartless bitch you know." I sigh. "Hmm, I don't think Lessi really wants me. She's been with Vic a lot, they seem really close." Kyra continued in a small voice, almost a whisper. "Lessi isn't like you... She loves you." I try to comfort Kyra. "Yeah well, I dunno Lils..." Kyra sniffled. "Ky..." I breathe. "I'm just gonna go Lils..." Kyra sniffled more, now my heart sank. I hate it when people are upset, I hate not being able to help someone in need. I'd been so brutal on the phone to her, Kyra was clearly just in need of some comfort and a friendly voice.

I put my phone down and let out the biggest sigh, it's crazy how one thing can completely change your mood. Hearing Kyra so sad and vulnerable made me feel so bad. I must have sat for at least half an hour after the call, in complete silence. Not watching the tv, or doing whatever else I would normally do... just sat. For the first time in ages my thoughts were consumed by Kyra. My heart ached for her, I know how she felt. It was the same way I felt when I found out she had been sleeping with Lessi. Should I ring her later or maybe make an effort to text and make sure she's ok? Is that too much? All the thinking had exhausted me, I didn't know how best to support Kyra while also keeping my distance. It's unlikely Katie would be happy if she found out I was offering Kyra any form of comfort or kindness. I laid down and closed my eyes. Maybe a nap would calm my thoughts?

It took a while to fall asleep, Kyra was still firmly in my thoughts. How could Lessi not want to be with Kyra? After everything that had happened, surely she wasn't already trying to get with someone else when they'd both destroyed my relationship with Kyra? I did eventually drift off to sleep, though even in dream world, Kyra took over my dreams. I dreamt Kyra was really upset, she was withdrawn and not sociable with the girls on camp. She clearly loved Lessi and the whole thing was really getting to her. I wanted to help. But how? In my dream I'm looking into Kyra's world but I'm unable to do anything, I felt useless. I toss and turn, my phone rings. I bolt upright in bed, unsure if my phone is actually ringing or part of my dream.  It was ringing, I picked it up and answered it seeing Kyra's name on the screen. "Lils..." she breathes. "I need you." She continued, she sounds sad. Though I can't tell if she's been crying or is about to. "Kyra, what's happening?" I say softly, she's clearly distressed. I spend at least 2 hours on the phone to Kyra, just trying to calm her and offer some support. I felt guilty, Katie had tried to call twice and I let her ring out so Kyra had my attention. I figured I'd ring Katie back after. "You think you'll be ok now?" I say softly, noticing Kyra's mood had picked up a bit. "Hm, maybe. I think so." She agreed. "Ok then. Go and see the girls. Maybe Mini could give you a hug or something?" I suggested. "Hmm. Ok bye then." Kyra breathes out, a slight melancholy tone in her voice. "Bye Ky." I say, hanging up.

I was about to put my phone down and take a minute to breathe, it'd been somewhat hard to keep Kyra's spirits up. I didn't want to be over kind but I knew she needed me. My phone rang again, though this time it was Katie. I tapped the screen to answer. "Hey, Katie." I spoke. "Hey, you. Where have you been? I've been trying to call for ages..." Katie's tone was one of concern. "Sorry. Uh I was uh helping someone out." I struggled to find the right words, it wasn't a lie though. I really had been helping someone but of course I wasn't going to say who. "Lils..." Katie sighs. "Huh? What's up?" I asked. "I've been trying to call you for hours...who needed you so desperately?" I stay silent, Katie doesn't give me chance to answer. "Lili. What's going on? Should I be worried? You don't even sound like you..." Katie says bluntly, I inwardly sigh and try to laugh it off. "Don't be daft, Katie. I'm fine, like I said I was helping someone. What are you up to? Tell me about your day." I try to act normal, though the guilt is eating at me.

"Lili, talk to me... you're acting different. Did I do something wrong?" Katie sighs. "No of course not, Katie." I try to reassure Katie. "Hmm, ok." She's not convinced, her tone shows it. "How was your last day?" I asked changing the subject from me to Katie. "It was good, I mostly stayed with Grace and Anna.....what do you think, Lils?" I blinked, I hadn't heard half of what Katie had said. "Lils?" Katie repeated. "Huh? Yeah?" I clear my throat. "Ibiza, shall we book it?" Katie sighed. "Yeah sure. Do it when you're back off camp, yeah?" I smile. "Are you sure you're ok?" Katie asked for the 50th time. "I'm fine, I promise." I bite on my nail. "If you're sure?" Katie repeated. "I am." There was a silence. "What ya doing, Katie?" I asked. "Hmm, just sorting my bag." Katie mumbled, I couldn't hear her moving though. I frowned. "Hmm." Katie lets out a sharp sigh. "Well I guess I'm gonna go then. You sound tired or something..." she sounded annoyed. "Are you cross?" I asked. "I'm tired." She mumbled. "Ok then. I'll let you sleep. Night Katie." I frown and laid back in bed. "Hm, night Lili." My phone bleeped, I looked at it and noticed Katie had hung up. Well that's not what I wanted.

I really wanted to talk to Katie, I wanted to act normal but Kyra's lurking in my head and I can't seem to shake her out of it. Now I've messed up and Katie's ended the call after not even 20 minutes on the phone to me. I fucked up, I seem to be good at doing that at the moment. I sigh and stare up at the ceiling. Please bed just suffocate me to sleep or something. I'm so done with today.

A/n- guys I'm shit. I'm sorry. 😬😬