Jealousy

Talk To Me

I go into my room to check on Lili, she's slept for hours. I'd even had to decline calls from Kyra on 2 occasions, she needs to let this girl breathe. I swear. I sneak into the room and close the blind quietly. I go to leave, stopping in my tracks as I see Lili sit upright. I don't say anything, carefully watching for her next move. Lili somehow twists and grabs the pillow off the other side of the bed bringing it to her and lays back down again. She was still asleep!! What in the fresh hell did I just see? I hold back a little laugh.

She wants to cuddle... I could give her a cuddle, couldn't I? Surely it wouldn't hurt... I carefully climb onto the bed, my hand reaches out to reach her hip. I'm stopped by a gasp. "What the fuck!" Lili's eyes were now wide open. "I um. Came to wake you up." I lied. "And you th- hang on a minute. Where am I?" Lili looks around my bedroom from the bed. "In my bed." I state, trying to hold back the smile I wanted to plaster on my face. "Is this what you do, McCabe? Is this how you get your girls?" Lili scoffed, I frowned. That hurt, I'd never do that in my life.

I looked at Katie, she was frowning. Maybe I was a bit harsh. "What's up with your face McCabe?" I asked. "You know, your words really hurt sometimes..." Katie shakes her head and huffs. "I'm sorry. But you literally have me in your bed right now... what am I doing here exactly?!" I ask in exasperation "better still, why are you on the bed with me?" I say looking down, she was barely inches away. "I told you, I came to wake you." Katie shrugged. "Bull, you could have stood by the bed.... Again. Why am I here?" I try to make space between us. "Because I thought Kyra would have Harper still. You fell asleep in the car and I thought you deserved undisturbed rest... ok. There." Katie says, clearly hoping I'll be satisfied with her answer.

"You know, I know you think I'm this heartless bitch... I'm not. I'm a person who cares about people, sometimes a little too much..." Katie starts, I sit and listened, I really wanted to know what was going on. "Sometimes, ok maybe more than I'd like to admit, my anger gets the best of me. I push people away and it hurts them.... I never intend to hurt anyone, ever... I swear on my Mum's life. Today I hurt you...I didn't mean to hurt you. When I saw how scared you looked at me I wanted to cry. We're supposed to be trying to be civil... and here I am fucking everything up." Katie sighed. I touched my cheek at the reminder of the hit I'd taken from trying to calm her down.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Katie repeated, her hand on top of mine on my cheek. I blink a couple of times, was I really seeing this right now? Katie was actually getting teary eyed. "I want to make it right...Lili." I gulp "Lili... you called me Lili." I whispered. "I did all this for you... to show you I care... no bad intentions. I swear to you. You have to believe me Lili." Katie strokes my cheek, she leans forward, replacing her hand with her lips. "I'm sorry." She whispered, before moving back to where she had been previously. I stay quiet. "Talk to me... say something... do you forgive me Lili?" I look at her, she was so open right now, I didn't know what to do... it's like someone came in and replaced the Katie I knew with someone else. Someone fragile and vulnerable... this isn't Katie. Is it a trap? "No more anger and upset...I appreciate that you cared enough to let me rest here." I start to say as I play with my hands. "I forgive you...." I conclude.

I watched Lili as she talked, I felt physically sick. I was opening up a side to me that I rarely ever open. Why her? Why was I letting her see me like this. Maybe I'm just too deep in my feelings right now, I don't know but whatever it is, is sending my emotions wild. I listen as Lili speaks, she forgives me? I hadn't expected her to be like this, minutes ago she was about to rip my head off for being on the bed with her, accusing me of attempting to take advantage of her... it still hurt. However all my other emotions were coming in strong, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act... I don't even think about my next move, everything seems to just happen all in one hit.