Jimin Protectors

Chapter 116

Jimin's POV :

today was the first session with my psychiatrist , It wasn't like what i thought, Jin hyung was right , it's a long journey , but why i need to go through all this again , each word i uttered there was a load scream waking up all the buried awful memories I tried all my life to ignore. 

Doctor need to know , and i need to be the one who speak up , my parents were there , but with each word i felt my soul crashing , Maybe i look like a kid , and i act like a kid , cause i never had a chance to act as a child when i was one , the first session opened all my hiden unhealed scars , they promised this is the right way to fix this , but , am i going to stay strong for this, I feel like i'm bleeding but no one is trying to stop blood from going out of my body , I didn't just went for one terrifiyng memory , start from my parents death , to the darkest night in my life , the two days i was kidnapped and the when i lost trust that dad will ever look for me , each time i feel Ara's touch first my heart will sank from the touch , second her sad eyes will pull it out my chest , eveything is vivid now , i feel like i can't breath , I can't even touch my mother , my body started to push all the trusted people in my life out , I was shocked the moment she put her hand on my back , i never flinched with her touch , Dad , Kookie ,even Jin hyung , am i really going to heal with this .

For the first time i'm locking my door to not let anyone in , that was terrifying me but .. is there a terrified status more than what i already am , My uncle used to lock me in a dark room , I wonder how i survived all these years , when i was talking to the doctor , for the first time after i lived with my hyungs , i'm hearing this , i feel like someone else go through all this , I was a stupid naive kid , now when i grow up a little , and know hundreds of things that i was totally clueless with , it felt much worse now when i know what the meaning of all this.

I need my Mom , Not the adoptive one , i need you mom , you little Jiminie went through a lot when you let him alone , didn't you love me to the extend to leave me for all this , didn't you promised me that you will always be there !! so why i went through all this , When i can see you again , i'm almost adult now , time is flying , i am about to be 16 now , a broken 16 kid , did dad forgot me too !! am I that bad to deserve all what i went through .

My Mom is sitting there behind my door , i can hear her crying , My Dad and hyungs asked her to not push me farther after I asked them to let me stay alone , they all was so worried but let me do what i need , but Mom , she couldn't , Dad tried with her for a while , but he couldn't make her leave my door , she is afraid that i will hurt myself , I won't , not when she is there for me , when all my hyung supporting me , not when my Dad do this , I'm the one who really know how he changed to not hurt me , I won't hurt them this cruel , they are the gift God gave me to help me stay insane .

I gathered my self pulling my heavy body to my wardrobe , looking for the thing I avoided to look at all these years , since i met my protectors , I thought I'm fine .. or I know i'm not , how i will be fine when the owners of this is not here anymore .. is what they offer is what we needs , so when they leave us we can be okay if another human being do their job for us ..

I know i have the answer , I know i will never be okay when you guys not there , I may avoid to put this to keep my denial that they are gone .

I hold the small old box .. where My father's watch and my mother's Necklace laying there it had the J letter printed on each one of it , their love don't need an evidence , maybe this is the unbreakable trust i had on this life , I missed you so much , world seems cold without you guys .

I hugged the box curling my body on my bed trying to hug my self , the cold still surrounding me , the summer and my blanket is not taking the cold away, the tears seems not stopping soon , im can smell a faint scent from my father strong perfume on his watch , the smell brought me scenes where they are still there , I was just 5 , is it really my true memories , or i just making things , how a memories for a five years kid will stye with him .

Jimin : " I wish i can hug you Mom "

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Author's note...

Hey guys ... sorry for the sad chapter. 

Maybe more 2 chapters and we are done for this book

We already passed 53k , i'm grateful that you walked with me this journey, and I'm sorry for the so many mistakes on the book 

There is a second book or not ? I don't have any idea, but for now just more two chapters ❤️❤️