Kaboentle.
"I want her to know... I want the both of them to know what suffering is..."
Her voice echoes before I hear a little baby wail in agony and Chants and burps and shakers and a fire that roars while I continue to see nothing but vast darkness infront me, I look around in desperation and I see nothing but I hear it all, the pain in her voice the anger and the desperation for her heart to heal.
"And I want their love to be a vessel for it all."
She says once again almost as if she is in my ear now. Everything is still in vast darkness and I still can't tell what this is.
"Kabo..."
He calls out and i can feel him shake me awake but I struggle, still stuck in this dream until I open my eyes again and I see him,
Soflty staring down at me with a soft smile rested on his lips and I can't believe my eyes and then just like that he vanishes nd I wake up to Siyas patient eyes and a concerned stare.
Where did he go ?
"Entle..."
He gently brushes against my cheeks when I start to get up from bed and I try to look around for him but he's completely vanished.
"Hey."
Siya says sternly as he grabs hold of my cheeks now and he makes me stare at him.
"It was just a dream..."
He reassure me and I release a sigh and I hold onto his palms that stay rested on my cheeks and I close my eyes.
"It felt so real."
I tell him and he nods his head at me.
"I know, But it was just a dream... it's not real my love."
He reassures me once again and I can feel myself start to become less anxious and less panicked just from his words and for a moment I forget how much of stranger he's become over the last few months as I realise how much of his presence has an effect on me.
I give him a small nod before reaching for my phone and I realise it's three AM.
"Shoot the boys are probably going to wake up now for their feed."
I start as I start to get out of bed now but he stops me.
"The boys are fed and I changed their nappies."
"Did you check on-"
"I Checked on Nkanyezi and I took her to her pottie too, and Banzi... banzi's okay he's a big boy."
He cuts me off as he lightly smiles at the last part and I also smile at him too as a slight feeling of adoration comes over me.
I love him.
"Thank you."
I tell him and he gives me a small nod before we both go quiet again and we just stare into each other's eyes for a few silent moments.
Its been days since our last fight and the days after have been busy and messy and tense and we haven't gotten time to work around what happened that night.
Siya and I have had bigger fights in our days but this was our biggest one in a really long time and I won't lie when I say that this hasn't scared me, I've never seen so much anger and confusion in his eyes that night I didn't even know how to react to seeing him that way couple that with my own drunken emotions, it was a mess but I felt like all those feelings that I had felt that night were valid and I needed to acknowledge that at the end of the day his feelings need to be validated to no matter how i feel about this...
"MaMoloi..."
He starts as he grabs hold of my hands again and he stares at me again.
"I don't like it when we fight..."
He says as his expression turns serious now and I realise now how serious things are about to get.
"I don't like it either."
"The past few months have been extremely emotional for everyone... umuzi Wa Baba is barely standing... same as ours..."
He says as he adds a little pause.
