Khwezikazi.
We both watch as the water crashes into itself and the waves flow out into the shore so Beautifully as the blue water reflects in the side way ahead of the beach.
Nolwazi has been quiet ever since we've both sat here. She jumped into my arms from the moment her and her two boys came into the house and she just started crying so much it dampened the happy mood that I had moments before she got here. She cried so much it broke my heart as well because ive always hated seeing her this way, but in the same breath being this close with her again is a feeling that I don't even know how to describe, I mean I know Nolwazi, we used to waddle in nappies together and we used to write lyrics to our favorite boy band songs together, we were young and we knew each other in and out and that's the memory that I've had of her since we got separated and now, she's a completely new person, shes still the same but she's different.
She's a mother now, a wife, she's a her own fair share of things that have shaped her until this point and so have I and it's because of what I've been through that I know that I am not the same Khwezi that she once knew either but I am open to getting to know her again.
She releases a sigh as she wiggles her feet in the white beach sand and she squeezes her arms around her knees as she remains quiet beside me.
"Your boys are really cute."
I start, breaking the silence and she looks at me again and she gives me a small smile.
"You know what they said to me while we driving up here ? They asked if they'd finally be meeting their aunt... I always told them about you, hoping that this day would come... I never gave up."
"I did..."
"I know... and it hurts to know that you did... I thought we were unbreakable Khwezi. I thought what we had was bigger than anything."
"Lwazi... a lot of things happened that had made me so out of touch with reality... after we stopped coming here my life changed... and not for the better."
"I thought I was your sister... cousins or not."
"We were young..."
"But we understood what we meant to each other."
She argues and I swallow a knot that's in my throat and I look away from her.
"Im sorry that I didn't reach out..."
I say and after a while I feel her reach for my hand on the sand and she gives it a gentle squeeze before I look at her again and she gives me a small smile.
"I am sorry too, for everything... you didn't deserve any of it."
"Nobody does."
She gives me a small nod before she looks back at the raging ocean between us.
"You look terrible."
She says breaking the silence between us and she gives me a nervous side glance, holding in her laugh and I give her a nudge as we both fall over the sand in laughter.
"Is it really that bad ?"
"I have never seen you this down bad, I know you said your going through stuff but I taught you better, you know better than to look like your problems."
She says now talking through her giggles as I grab onto my stomach now as It starts to ache and I try to speak through my laughing.
"I couldn't help it."
I say as I fall over her now and she laughs harder.
"Oh lord."
She says and I laugh harder, she still hasn't lost her sense of humor.
For a good moment we sit on the beach and we just cackle at our silliness and for a moment I forget just how much pain I've been in lately and it feels good being able to laugh like this again, it feels like I can breath again.
