Chapter 18.
( January 2015 )
August
I stepped into da' house and slid da' back do' shut. Da' music was drowned out as we moved towards da' back. I saw da' room dat used ta' belong ta' me and she chose dat room fa' us ta' talk privately in. I know ma' hands was prolly goin' bananas in ma' pockets, a true habit of mine when I'm nervous.
But I ain't expect all my old shit ta' be gone. Three beds took up da' small space wit' A, C, and K ova' da' headboards. I automatically knew who it now belong ta'. However, it still ain't make it hurt no less.
"So you bought me in hea' ta talk, les' talk,"I shrugged jus' wantin' ta' get this ova' wit'.
"August..I jus'–"She started.
"Jus' what mama? Let me know what you'ca possibly say dat could make me forgive and forget."
"I jus' wanted ta' say I was sorry. That's all,"She shook ha' head,"I don't know what else I'ca say."
"Sorry?"I chuckled."Sorry is all you got man? Afta' five years of not seein' da' son you kicked ta' da' curb all you'ca say is sorry?"
"First of all don't come ta' my house talkin' big shit ta' me,"She put ha' finger ta' my face,"You knew what chu' had coming fa' you right or wrong?"
I smacked my lips and looked ta' da' side.
"Don't look away from me when I'm talkin' ta' you boy,"She grabbed my face makin' me face her."Now you listen ta' me and you listen ta' me well, don't chu' eva' try and put da' full blame this way. Didn't I tell you if you retaliated afta' Mel passed away–"
"Ma I'm not trynna hea' all'at,"I pushed ha' hand from my face.
"Of course you not trynna hea' it August cause it's true! I tol' ya' hard head ass not ta' go and try ta' kill dem la'boys and you went out thea' anyways! You damn lucky da' police ain't neva' find out!"She fumed still pointin' ha' finger at me."You wanted da' streets so bad so I gave ya' ass da' streets!"
"I wanted da' streets cause da' streets was all I fuckin' had! Everything I eva'
wanted I had ta' go grind in da' streets fa' cause you wasn't thea'!"
"How could you say sumn like dat?"She shouted wit' tears comin' down ha' eyes.
"Cause it's da' truth! You sittin' hea' trynna share da' blame wit'out pourin'
yo' half! What'chu want me ta say mama? Yeah I sold drugs. Yeah I did 'em. Yeah I fucked up and got locked up fa' it, but dat was befo' da fact dat you decided ta' kick me out. Sending me off ta' be somebody else problem ain't gone solve da' problem ma! It's not!"
"Don't you think I kno' dat August? Everyday dat passed by I felt like I was on my own wit' chall. Of course Benard couldn't get through ta' yall–"
"Cause Benard ain't no pops of mine. He ain't did shit fa' me dat I couldn't do fa' myself. And fa' you ta' put him befo' us made me feel some type of way."
"I didn't mean to though Aug, I didn't mean to,"She continued ta' cry while trynna wipe ha' face.
And even though I ain't want ha' crying ta' phase me, she was still my motha' at da' end of da' day so it did. Instead of walkin' outta da' room I pulled ha' closer and hugged ha'. Tears started ta' roll down my eyes at da' fact dat this was da' first time I was seeing my mama in five years. Five whole years bruh.
