Sirius never understood physical touch as a love language.
He remembers the winding staircase in Grimmauld place and the deep emerald drapes that adorned its walls. The closest thing to physical touch in that house was a hand shake.
Strong, scarred and calloused hands shook his as a sign of camaraderie, welcoming the promising Black heir into the mission to purify the world. But those hands were soaked in blood. Those touches were not to befriend.
Occasionally, mother would pat his shoulders and kiss his cheek. Only to stain red a few hours later with a slap. Father would give him his hand, a signal to kiss the Black signet sat in his little finger. Sirius bows his head and avoids looking into Orion's grey eyes. But that hand too wasn't so kind.
Although his arms were awkward, they knew where to go when it comes to protecting or comforting Regulus. When he hears his little brother's cries through the wall, Sirius rushes over and encases him in a hug. Regulus' confused and hurt tears would wet his shoulder but that was all he could offer to him, a sliver of warmth.
"Why did mother hurt me, Siri?" He'd cry. "Why do we have to hurt the muggles?"
Sirius rocks them back and forth, soothing the stinging hand. "I don't understand either Reg. But we are Blacks, we are better than muggles, so we must keep them away from our kind."
And that was all he knew. Until the Sorting Hat's condemnation turned the banners hanging off the Great Hall red.
None of the kids offered him a high-five or a side hug or a cheer, even a smile. They all knew who sat at the corner of their table. They knew, as did their parents and the parents before them, what Sirius' bloodline has done.
The boy was snow pale in September. His hands shaking and he felt sick. His thoughts raced with what could happen. A beating, a curse, a punishment. What would happen to him?
The names flew by and Sirius didn't hear a thing. The new Gryffindors simply filled in the empty space between him and the rest. Until, one James Potter sat next to him.
"Hey, have some potato. Mum said these were the best." He said, massive round hinged glasses barely staying on his nose.
Sirius' eyes followed his arm to the hand rested on his right shoulder. Though it was brief, James' kindness seemed to travel through the arm and, deep inside, he was relieved to have him as a roommate.
And the Sirius Black we knew became to surface.
It took many tries but he no longer reads the letters or hears the howlers that came. He wore his red and yellow neck tie with pride, even eager to join in the Quidditch team to wear more of those colors.
But with the flurry of everything, Sirius finds himself gravitating towards a certain someone. A someone who his heart knew but his brain wouldn't admit.
"Black, if you fall asleep this class, I'm not writing notes for you." Remus scolded (but not really).
Sirius rolls his eyes, feigning indifference. "Yeahhh, don't care Moon Moon."
He plops his head back on his folded arms. The desk felt cool under his blushing cheek. In this position, he could sneak a look under the guise of "falling asleep".
Remus John Lupin. The bane of his existence, the object of all his desires.
He looked magnificent under the sunlight. His brown curls were red and his usually pale skin was tinted with the heat. He's beautiful. Sirius felt drawn to him yet didn't really know how to show that.
***
By then, Sirius had quick hugs, high fives, and cheers. But with Remus, he wanted something different. He wants to do what that Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff couple does. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling and, the most scandalous of them all, kissing.
