The Summer Of 1993

Happy 1994

1I did have fun in New Year's Eve. Seth and I had sex at a brother's apartment after Irina threw us out. She didn't know we all were coming and she only invited her friends Corie, Amber, and Jenny and their dates and there we were.  I really wanted a future with Seth and it seemed that he really liked me.   We had a weird talk, one few couples who were dating had.  

   "You know I have six weeks where I have to recover,"  I told him.
"Yeah.  Sure.  I respect that.  You have to heal."
"I am due in early March.  That is scary.  Two months from now."
"Yeah."
"Well this summer I leave, you know?"
"Yeah,"

    He had no intentions of taking me or Madeline.   I should have seen it coming.

    I drove home and crawled into bed.  I was going shopping with Jamie to get some cool clothes and baby things.   We had a great time.   I really got some cute things but jamie's aunt who was with us said, "Your body will never be the same."  She told, me my hips and butt would be big.  She said that Seth sounded promising though.  It was sixty three degrees when I got up.  I walked around the neighborhood on the trail.  Seth and I were going to meet up in the evening.  Dorie was having a party at her brother's house in the hood.  I was going to have to pass by some rough streets and he didn't offer to take me.   Jamie had a family thing so I was on my own.  However, my dad told me how to get there safely.  He was beginning to be a little inconsistent with me.  Like not taking me places.   I thought I was his girlfriend.  However, ternary five years later, he would reveal the secret to me and social media.  Now was not the time.  

     "Why don't you go home and sleep," he said. 
"Why?"
"You look really tired."
"Think of the baby."  At that moment, I thought he loved me.  He walked me to my car, kissed me good night under the foggy skies and I drove home.

       I fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.   I awoke to a scratchy throat that got worse as the day went on.  I went to the mall with my mom after Sunday lunch.  The winds picked up though and my sore throat raged.  By time I got home it was 102.  I called Dr. Payton and she said to take Tylenol.   I did.  I was miserable and crying.  Seth called. He was sick too and he was sort of shitty about it.   "Yeah, you got me sick, too.  I got sent home from practice," he said.   In the fall he was going to play hockey.  I had hoped she was moving out east with him.  However, life was going to fall apart first.

      I recovered enough to go in to work.  I felt like i ate plastic and my lungs were full.  My ears pounded,   However, i had to make money.   The cough began after a day of sneezing at home.   The snow began in the morning and i was grateful i was off at noon and there were many cancellations, but there in a British gossip a magazine, "Johnny Depp Dates Kate Moss."  My heart stopped.  My uterus felt tight and i felt like crying.   Seth had a four wheel drive car and he offered to pick me up and take ne home.  He apologized and said he felt much better, but i was still hurt about Johnny dating Kate.  She called Jamie, who was home for the day.  

    "Susan, you will always have a piece of him.  Don't cry.  Seth brought you home.  I see a future there," she told her.   "Johnny dared who he supposed to.  You have a little souvenir from that."   She cried to herself that cold, snowy quiet day.   Initiation was coming up.  I was going.  I had to, even though this flu was ravaging me something awful.  I had a fever and was achy.  I could not take a thing.   Dr. Payton called to check up on me.  My mom said, "You know I was mad you were going to a woman doctor but I like her."   I smiled.   I took a long nap.  The next day i was off and the world was a quiet white, so I stayed home until Seth came over and they went to Wal Mart.  That store had everything.  Then i went to his place, an upstairs apartment at an old house and we had sex all afternoon.   I thought off the future.  By spring, I had hoped to move in here.  I hoped to have an agreement that he was going to raise Madeline as his own.  I talked about it a little.

    "I am scared to have the baby.  You know, about the dad."
"I think you should tell her.  Hey, you might get a reunion."
"But you would get jealous."
"Easy now.  Let 's not get too carried away.  That is the one thing in don't like about your sorority. They are so marriage oriented.  I am sure you'd be a strong single mom."
"Are you not interested?"
"Yes, but I am going to the west coast next year and I just don't want too many decisions."
"I understand." 

     He was going to break my heart in so many ways.  I was broken hearted because Johnny was dating this pretty, perfect skinny girl and here I was looking like a bloated tick.