The Summer Of 1993

The Holidays

I worked part time at Broadway Wigs, but more during the holidays. That was how I got my good wigs. It was the usual, cook a lot and eat a lot, but in 2022, the stroke that was the one that claimed Eleanor happened. It happened during my work party. I was having fun as we went to The Grove, a 1930's restaurant that still felt like 1932 and the prime ribs were so juicy. I thought to myself, if Johnny were to co to our are, I would SO take him here and dine with him. It would never happen though. Johnny would never come here and he would not want to come home to see a fat, corn fed woman. I guess Maddie went and got him, dropped him off, but he got a call at seven that his grandma was dying. I was having a few drinks and having fun, However, went I got to my car, I had four missed calls and a barrage of texts. "Answer your phone you fucking bitch. My grandma is dying here and you are cavorting with lawyers and such. Get you ass home. We need to go to the hospice home," he texted. I called Maddie, who was home with the baby and Sam. She said she and her phone away as well. "We were actually doing it," she told me. They wanted baby number 2. I sent what dad wrote and she said, "I am so sorry mom." These are the moments where I wished Johnny fought for me,

"I am so sorry. I thought she was fine," I said.
"Well she is No and you are out partying with people who don't five a fuck about you, my grandma is dying and we will stay until I say so."
"I said I was sorry. I was having a dinner with my coworkers and friends."
"It's always them over me. I am your fucking husband for Christ's sake!"

Why didn't Johnny save me?

We got to the facility and he said, "Not a word, you selfish bitch. No work, no family, you shut the fuck up!" I did not answer. I wished I would have gone to Cincinnati. "Just leave him," I told myself. Why didn't I? Did I fear a man who may be weird, not handsome, but would love me more than a Robert Redford lookalike? I wished Johnny would have fought for me.

She did not pass that night. His Mom ordered him home because he was hysterical but the whole way home he screamed at me that I was "ungrateful", "rude", a "social climbing bitch", and not letting me talk. "You kept me from my grandma and that i won't ever forgive you for. I could leave," he said and I said, "Why don't you?" With his credit, lack of friends, and the like, he was stuck..... I thought to myself, "He could leave and my life could begin with Johnny." She passed the next day. Here was a funeral on the 29th on an unseasonable warm day.

We got through Christmas. Another year of nothing and just crap from my mom.   My best present was from Maddie and Sam, a cute blanket with bunnies on it. It was from a discount place but it was pretty.  I hoped Johnny was having a nice Christmas. He was spending it with Vanessa and her husband. He got Bobby a lot of stuff from FAO Schwarz. That boy was spoiled. When Maddie sent me pictures. We went to church and she told me, "Johnny sent you this." It was a tiny bracelet with a heart. I began to cry. "He still thinks of you." She hugged me. We went to lunch. Steve noticed the bracelet and Maddie said, "See, dad. I got it for her." "Well that Renee Juneau wig set us back," he retorted. It was three hundred dollars and felt like butter on my head, not like the cheap ones I got. 

After Christmas we were at the funeral home that was once a mansion. We sat in the grand old room where Mrs. Alter once sat. As usually, they were all buzzing about Bobby. They weee all buzzing about their lives, being thin, and being pretty. I looked out at the gray, glum day wishing I was not with the family. It was Sheila Depew's swearing in as a township trustee and I wanted to see that and I wanted to eat at Sushi! with Sheila and her friends. However, I had to be the good wife, the good fat wife. I was a fat pig. They ignored me but talked about how fat they were at 115. No, almost 270, was fat! My 42 j breasts, big belly and fat butt were disgusting. I felt disgusting and ignored. I didn't even want to be there. 

And they wondered why I didn't want Johnny to see me?

We told Eleanor goodbye that afternoon.   I cried softly next to Maddie.  Maddie was really upset because her grandma Eleanor loved her so much.  I held her hand.   Maddie was my girl, my little, sweet neurodivergent girl.  Steve held my other hand.   He told me he needed me, but it was too little too late.