The Summer Of 1993

She Falls Apart Again

It was New Year's Eve. I was invited to Joe Breck's apartment for the evening. Linda got little Maddie. My Alden's shad a party. Linda said with the kids they would have frozen pizza and ring in the new year. Christmas was lackluster, it it was fun watching Maddie roll in the wrapping paper and giggle. She was so happy and she REALLY looked like Johnny. I secretly showed John a picture and he said, "Whoa!" Her parting words to me were, "Have fun tonight." I smiled back.

We met up for h'ors d'overs at Joe's apartment and I had some wine and in walked Seth, looking a bit dejected. I wanted over and hugged him.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I smiled to myself. 
"Julia dumped me."
"Really?"
"For a kappa."
"Wow!" I thought to myself. "This is my chance,". "I am really sorry, Seth."
"Thanks."

I tried to talk to him all night and sat near him on the party trolley. I told the girls, "He dumped Julia. It's okay." Lori said, "Yeah, for a kappa and she was cheating on him. We saw them out."
"So I can rekindle my love for him."
"Maybe not," Nicole one of her devotees said. "You are a cute girl.  You are, but Seth is way out of your league."
"But we were together before."
"Remember, you sold him a fake bill of goods."
"I am on a diet. I signed up for aerobics class at the gym."
"Susan, it's just you had your time."

I tried so had that night for him to see me. I even said, "I have lost some baby weight." He told me he "could tell". Then I asked to talk to him on that cold and windy night. I was already drunk.

"I miss you, Seth."
"Awww... Susan."
"I just wanted to know that I miss you so much. I know I am ugly and you don't want to date me and I am sorry."
"It's not that, Susan. Really. Your are pretty.   You just want a marriage and right now I can't give that to you."
"Oh but you can give it to some hot little missy in a Greek suite."
"Susan, that was cold."
" come off of it! You dumped me because I was ugly. You are disgusted by this gut. You are disgusted by my face!"
"Susan, it is not your looks at all. Believe me! You are beautiful. It is Johnny. You dated a wild man and that just is not me."
"That is just an excuse."
"Look, Susan, it's fucking over. I like you and I don't want to be with you romantically. I like you and I don't want to hate you. Please.  Leave me alone."  He walked off. 

He walked back in the bar and I sat in the garden and bawled. He got my sisters to come out and it was another one of those "you are so pretty. Any man would,love to be with you." I replied, "But you set me up with Moose and ugly men." I was sobbing.  They explained that I am nice.  Moose is niece and we could make fat and happy babies.   I composed myself for the ride to the apartment.  I was going to sober up and leave. 

    2005 was turning out to be WONDERFUL.    I did go to the mall and bought a ton of things so I could loom nice.  Operation Get In Shape and Operation Find Maddie A Daddy was on!!