The Summer Of 1993

Sunday Afternoons

    After church I ate with my parents.  They asked he how Maddie was doing and asked if I was being "fair" to Jackie.   We were going to Chicago in a few months,  but I wished I were In Chicago today, seeing Johnny for myself.   He said it was in the works,  but I was not going to hold my breath.  I was happy that Maddie got answers to her questions and I was slowly getting mine.  As I ate with my parents and  Sarah, I got a text.  "Maddie was such a pleasure this weekend.   You really have dine well, Susan and I am proud of you.  I would love to talk to you some day as well...."   I was sure that was all we would do.   Lunch was the usual and then I went home.  I wanted to sit down because I was in thr "Cookie Committee" at church and I had to clean up, then my mom wanted me to look at something from my high school band days, and I was exhausted. 

   "Hey, thought we would go see grandma.  It's only fair," he told me.  I hated that line.  
"Okay,". I said in my shitty tone that I was tired.

    My mind was on a text I got, "please don't be afraid to see me again.  I have seen pictures and you are beautiful.  I think in a weird way, you resemble Kate and Vanessa."   I think asked him and changed my clothes.  We drove to where his grandma lived.  It smelled like fresh coffee and not urine.  She was doing okay,  her room or apartment was nice,  I thought about living in an apartment, letting Steve keep the house and I living my life out with Johnny.   

    Around five, there was a someone in our garage.  It was Maddie, Sam, and Bobby.   Steve was in the garage fixing something.  Maddie said, "Mom, I need a skirt."   I told her sure and Steve said, "She has one for every day of October."  He was such an asshole.

    "So, how was it?"  I asked as we went into my room.  I sat on my fainting couch.
"It aa nice and I got a lot of answers.  If you two were 20 years younger or had more technology, you two probably would have had me, gotten married, and had a good life."  I began to cry.   "Mom, don't cry."
"That night when he was so shitty to me."
"He really didn't want to.  His manager at the time felt it was best."
"I know.  Too ugly."
"Mom, he said you were beautiful."
"He was high.  I saw a YouTube where a fan said she loved him and he said it back because he was so fucking high."
"I wish you didn't hate yourself."

   That stuck.

    "Did you find a skirt. Find fifty and take them home."
"So, what did you guys do this weekend?"
"Met Johnny?"
"Well, the only thing good to come out of him is you." 
"I guess that is a compliment." 

   He eats fine over pizza but when they left, he laid into me. 

   "Are you going to meet him?"  He asked as I turned down my bed,
"No,  I am too old and fat."
"Good.  You know he only did you because it was a dry stroll.  You were a mouth and pussy to get off on.  Don't forget that.  You are too ugly for him.  You could be a hag in a movie, but he wouldn't want to duck you."
"You're right."
"Yep,  your bush is closed."
"Thank you,  thank you for making me feel,sexy yet again."
"You are old and you are. MINE."
"You're right," I said again.  He said, "I am goin next door to talk to John.  Sleep well."

    He left and the tears began to fall.  He was right,  I was nit good enough for Johnny Depp.  Sure the David Jardins and Eric Peccaros of the world.  I rocked the creeper cock.  Johnny would be polite, tell me I was a good mom, and that would be it.   I was going to turn to a few of my friends or Jamie, but they would lie, say I was beautiful, and a few of them would tell me I was being a bitch because I am not perfect and I had flaws and I was being b judgmental,  ht I got tired of being a sanctuary for the ugly and mentally unstable....   I did text Jamie because I needed Jamie time and she would at least listen....   "Can't wait to hear about her weekend," she texted back.