The Summer Of 1993

Normal Has Left The Building

    I got home from Pizza Tyme.  Mom wanted to know all about it.  

    "Jamie and I had fun, but Katie went up to see her OTHER boyfriend."
"Interesting."
"She looks so innocent.  I know how hard it is going to be to find a guy."
"Probably not.  You are pretty cute and that baby will be a doll."
"But I will look like a whore."
"Someone will love you enough to look over that I am sure.  You are a great gal."
"But i won't be going to law school." 
"It's not the end of the world.  You are not in prison."

     I went to bed and thar back pain hit again.  I tried to sleep.  However, I got the shits around three in the morning and then I went to school.  It must have been all the Chicago food.   I went to class and sat up in the Greek suite.  Katie was there.   She told me I looked tired.  I was.  Professor Gambrell said he could come to my house to administer the midterm if need be.   "I have a wife and daughter," he said sweetly.   He gave me his number.   Unbeknownst to me until six that night, all that walking started my labor.   I talked with the girls, ate my hamburger from the cafeteria and went to class.  It happened on the way to class as well.   I went home and mom got steaks from the new place down the road and I sat down and ate, but when I got up, water gushed everywhere.  

    "Oh shit!  Get her to the car.  She has to go to the hospital.  So, on February 20, 1994 I was headed to the hospital.  I paged Jamie who was in class until eight to get to the hospital.   I was in the worst pain.   I thought I was going to die,  it was like my worst period ever.   This went on until I got my epidural.  By then Jamie was there, but I really wished I was looking in Johnny's eyes, not my best friend.   By eleven Dr. Payton showed up and I pushed for what seemed like ever and at 12:23 Madeline Faye was born.   She was seven pounds, two weeks early, and looked like Johnny.   She had his eyes, nose, cheeks, and his dark hair. 

    My parents stayed.  For being upset that I was pregnant, they sure were enamoured with their first grandchild.   She was perfect.  She had tiny little hands, tiny little feet, and she was really pleasant.  Jamie was in love with her, too and Dr. Payton said, "Girl, you did good."   I was over the moon, but as I held Maddie, there he was with this little waif of a woman.  I had not seen my body yet.   I nursed Maddie and she really did well.   I wasn't going to have a job for a while.  Seth came to see me and he held Maddie.   He said, "God, she looks like Johnny."  He looked at me and said, "Sorry I have been such an asshole.  This whole hockey thing has made me one."  Like an idiot, I forgave him.   He would crush my heart in a few months. 

   I went home the next day.  My parents and Jamie helped me get home.   I didn't make my exam and Dr. Gambrell came to my house where I held a sleeping Maddie as he grilled me on foreign affairs.   I did well.  He paused and said, "You would still make a damn, good lawyer.   Don't ever sell yourself out."  I smiled but when he left, I was a sobbing mess.  I was doing that a lot.  Jamie came over every day getting my work and a take home test, but come spring break, I would be back.   Jamie would report how the sisters weee not getting along and she so looked forward to the break. My mom said it was okay for us to go and stay at her sister's place. I imagined that one day Seth and I would live like that. We'd probably have 2-3 more kids and life would be sweet.

    "You aunt  Darlene in Fairmont wants to see the baby, so road trip on March 8!"  I liked her so I looked forward to it. Our Founder's Day was coming up. Seth asked me to his. My parents said they'd babysit. Things were looking up. I was looking forward to the future, but then I got a look at my body.

I just showered. I dried my hair. It hasn't started to fall out yet. I toweled off and saw my body. My boobs weee huge and swollen and my belly was huge. It didn't go down at all and then my hips and thighs. I was so disgusting. I tried not to cry. Seth was turned off by me. Johnny had every right to date that waif. I put on my granny pants and my nightgown and held Maddie as the tears flowed down my cheeks. When was I ever going to feel normal?