The Summer Of 1993

The Hardest Goodbye

It was a cool august night, the ones where the sun loomed low in the sky and the temperatures flirted with the fifties at night. We went to our favorite place, Casas. We had the breadsticks, salad, and pasta. We both were fighting back tears. Little Maddie could have cared less. We reminisced about being pledges. We were two opposites.

"I remember that formal outfit you had on that your mom picked out," she said.
"I hated that thing. I wanted to wear what you had on."
"I did have such style."
"You still do. I have to wear fat girls r us."
"Susan, please stop. I won't see you until the fall."
"Maybe I will get a boyfriend by then."
"It doesn't matter. You can be amazing and nir have a boyfriend and you are.  You are pretty.  You are smart.  Most of all, you are kind.  That's a plus."
"I talked to Seth. He is coming back in the fall. I still think there is a chance."
"Awww.... Maybe. If not you will find someone."
"I am scared he will be ugly or boring."
"Come on, you are a beautiful girl."
"If I were Seth would have taken me this summer."
"Hey, let's enjoy now."

We talked about being pledges, going to California. We got kind of raunchy about that, "Us gals in the van knew you were doing him. I mean come on, you always had lovebites, your thighs were red, and you stank,". I laughed. I looked at her and said, "Thise were the happiest days of my life and sometimes I wonder if I am EVER going to be happy." She hugged me. We talked up until close, not wanting to leave.  Finally we hugged and she promised to call me.   We both were crying,   Poor Maddie looked confused.   Jamie was my friend and protector and now she was gone. 

   She driove away and a part of me inside died.  Jamie was always around.  She would no longer be the one to pick me up when I was sad or I her, but she was never sad. She always took things in stride. 

    My first time without her was at the chapter retreat.  The one that ended in disaster.  Lori Friess was going to take it over and ruin it for Kelli how had been planning the retreat for weeks.  I drove by myself to the retreat.  It was in an old, falling apart farmhouse on a desolate road.   Kami Hoff and Her boyfriend were fixing it up for their new home.  It was hauntingly beautiful.  I left Maddie with my parents.  If it was a sorority thing, mom was all for it and there I was, all my pretty sisters blonde, tan, and toned.  Katie Periwinkle nannied all summer.   Lori Friess always had time for a tan and she always looked good.   She looked at me and said, "God, Susan, you see the sun?"  I told her I worked all summer.   I told her I missed Seth and she said, "Well you got fat and that is why he doesn't want you.  You sold him a fake bill of goods being pregnant.  He didn't know you looked bad before.  That tummy.  Gotta get rid of it. Mom, and the double  chin."  If I could have cried, I would have.  

    We did some bonding things.   I just wanted to go home and hold my baby.   This sorority had changed.  I could not believe one person would cause this and so fast.   Lori was on one.  She wanted to make sure that if she didn't want to be here, no one else would want to.  She was so mean that, Kelli cried.   I felt bad.   Then when all the activities were over, Lori decided she did not want to sleep on the floor of this dirty house she left and then everyone followed suit.   Lori loved to hurt other people's feelings.  On the way out she told me, "How about dating Moose?  You are up his alley."  Moose was sort of fat, but I would rue saying no to him.  I missed Johnny and I went home and to sleep after I cuddled Maddie.  

    This was how the fall was going to be.

     I got so many suggestions of WHO I should date.  None of them were attractive or normal.   I dated Seth, or whatever you called it, then I was sleeping with Johnny fucking Depp and to be offered men like Moose, Gargoyle, and every fat, stinking, beer swilling Ep who couldn't get a boyfriend.  Maybe being single was it for me.   All I knew was I needed to lose weight and I needed a makeover.  Fortunately, I was off until Monday and mom suggested a girl's day at the mall.   I was in.  She was paying for it.