The Summer Of 1993

Seeking Advice...

Liberty became my new best friend and she even got me out to the bars a few times. I even got myself laid in a car. It was. Far cry from Johnny and a little worse than Seth. Julia rushed and was our number one pledge. She was perfect and dating the perfect guy. Then there I was, fat and now fucking guys in cars at bars. It went well when alcohol was involved, but according to Christy, an older sister, I had a "gut the size of Texas." Slowly I was losing it. Sitting I the lounge when the pretty, perfect girl who stole my man was there was hard. I saw my ugly face, big boobs, belly ther lopped over my pussy, and fat legs, I knew where I stood. I began to seek out advice.

"So, am I ugly?" I asked frat brothers, ones I respected. John Pierce was honest.
"You aren't no Cindy Crawford,  not no you are not ugly.   You could probably stand to lose some pounds, maybe get a better haircut, and dress a little better. Don't cry."
"No, you're being honest." I appreciated the honest.

Sisters tried to spare my feelings. "One day there is going to be a guy who will rock your world. He'll love you for you and love that little girl more than ever. She is beautiful and getting such a personality." She was sort of sassy. She was cute and she knew it. I had to find a man. Seth was dating Julia and that was not sitting well. Lori seemed to like to twist the knife every time I was in the room with her. "Moose, I am tellin ya, Moses is the one for you." Then there was Bonnie Ackmann who told me, "You are gorgeous. This is just a phase for Seth. I see him back with you." I really hoped.   However, one October evening, at a chapter retreat she admitted to fucking him and how big and good he was. Lori sort of rubbed that in as well. "His cock is like so large and I have orgasm after orgasm. He loves my body, too. I mean she can't help it she had a baby,". I heard her say and I was in a tailspin.

One afternoon, she came up to me when I got to the suite. She smiled and said, "Look, no hard feelings."
"No. Not at all. Seth deserves someone he is at least sexually attracted to."
"Look, I think you are so pretty."
"This is just lip service. Come off of it! You and Lori probably love tearing me to shreds! I am fat, my bibs are too big and Seth probably loved fucking someone who is normal." Then and there I started crying and hyperventilating. "I have to go." She ran after me.

A few sisters were coming to the union as I was making a scene. "Susan, wait. I want to talk to you." Staci and Tammy tried to stop me. I ran into the woods next to the river and just sobbed and sobbed. They, of course talked to Julia. "She is so sensitive,". Tammi said. "The baby's dad doesn't want a thing to do with her. I under stand why she is talking it so hard. You know, I think we need to talk to her." So, Sarah, Tammy, Julia, and Staci came into the woods to try to talk to me ther early October evening.  They were trying to tell me I was so pretty and that some guy was going to love me.   I was tired of it.  I was tired of  everyone walking on eggshells telling me how pretty I was.   I wasn't.   They were just trying to make me feel good.  

   Soon it was cold and I had to go get Maddie.  I composed myself but Linda knew something was wrong,   She said, "Have you had dinner?" 
"No."
"You were crying?"  Clovis was holding Maddie.  
"It just hurts so much and no one cares."
"They do.  We do.  Look, we worry about you.   You have a beautiful girl.  You are beautiful and so many people love you.   You know, before Clovis there was Sean, and he beat the crap out of me.  He was good looking and I thought I was in love.  Wait sweetheart.  The right one is out there."  I stared at the floor.  I got home.  Seth called me.  

    "Susan, I didn't break up with you because you are ugly or gross.  I didn't break up with you because I wanted someone better or prettier.  At the time, I just didn't want to be serious."
"And three  months later in walks tail wagging Julia.  Why don't you pick up your tongue off the floor, Seth!"
"Stop it, she would be hurt if you called her that.  In fact, she wanted me to call you and talk to you."
"Well she won.  Sex sells and I will marry Moose.  Tell her congrats, pretty wins!"
"Please.  Stop.  I never meant to hurt you and I am sorry you are taking this harder than you should.   You don't have to date Moose.  You have a little girl who loves you and I think she needs a mother.  In time, someone will fall in love with you."
"Yeah, right."
"Susan, please.   Just understand.  I think you are gorgeous.  I think you are still hung up on Johnny as well, and no man can compare to Johnny Depp.  Susan, see a therapist.   Please get some help."

   With that he hung up.   Maybe he was right.  Maybe I was still in love with Johnny, but so was half of the world.  

   It was what she wanted more than anything.  They made small talk about their classes, but her heart was truly broken.