The Summer Of 1993

The April Swan Song

On Easter weekend we went on theee dates and we had sex. It was mind blowing sex and he entered me with an unbridled passion. Jamie was out of town, so I had a "curfew". "Look, I am forty nine and dad is almost fifty one. We have raised two children." We did go out as a couple and had dinner. I had a new extra summer job, a refreshment stand employee at the baseball games. I wanted to be a bee server, but the lady who interviewed me said, "I see you more as a kind girl serving soda pop and families." It also meant, I was not pretty enough. I wasn't pretty anymore. My hair was falling out, my boobs were WAY too big to be sexy, I had a baby tummy, and even in times Seth would lose interest. Working at the games was going to be hard.

I thought having my conservative family meet Bobby was going to be hard. That was a breeze. Seth went as well, my grandpa, though stern, loved little Bobby. He held him and told stories. It was a rough week though. First, it snowed six inches. I was hoping game day would be canceled, but it was not. Seth's practices were becoming grueling. Plus, he had tests to take so we did not see much of each other and when we did, he was sort of an asshole. Jamie said, "I think you need to have that talk with him and see where you stand. Maybe he is scared. Maybe he sees you as too demanding, which I do not see. You have a baby from another man and maybe that is hitting home." I called Marsha and she said the same thing. "Darling, you have another man's child. It is intimidating to them. And, that ugly shit, spare me. You have just had a child. You need to recover.

I was really feeling ignored and blown off by Seth. I saw him with his teammates on Saturday and he was being an ass. Some of them looked at me funny. It hurt more than anyone knew, but on Wednesday, he made up for it and we had hot and kinky sex instead of going to class. Then on Friday the same thing happened and life was good. However, a sister must have seen something because one morning when I went to the gym. Jillian had to talk to me.

"So, how are things?" She asked. "That baby is the cutest and it is so cool to watch her grow."
"Thanks,". I said.
"You know," she began. "I don't think Seth is the one for you." It felt like a slap.
"Why?" I asked.
"H is going away to another city. He is going to meet other girls. Hem isn't going to be faithful. Look Karin and I were talking about this and we love you so much!!! You are a nice girl and you deserve a nice guy who will love that little baby and you."
"But I thought he did."
"Honey, some things have been said."
"I know. My body is gross and I am not good enough. Let's just have me date Jeff Ponrecorvo."
"He is a NICE guy though. He may not be much to look at but he would be good to you.  You deserve someone nice who will love you and that girl. We feel that he will usurnchest on you and we are only saying this out of love. Please, Susan. Listen."
"I think my fling was a fluke and he felt sorry for me. I was a substitute hand."
"Look, to the right guy you have lots and lots to offer." I felt like I was being slapped. How could this be? 
"I get I have gained weight and I am not pretty anymore."
"Sweetie, it isn't that at all.  I work for Security Insurance in the legal division.  I know TONS of lawyers who would be interested in you!  No lie!  You are so pretty but a lot to offer, so much more than a hockey player who is going to whore out on you." 

     I was shaking.   I was almost crying.  She gave me a hug, but it would all come to fruition soon.  I looked in the mirror.  I bet Johnny wouldn't even take a second look at me.  I went back home.   I had a date that evening.  We were going to a baseball game.  I told Jamie about what she said and she said, "Has he ever said, 'We are dating.  You are my girlfriend.'"  I shook my head and she said, "Sweetheart, maybe it's time.  Enjoy a single summer."  

   The thing was, I didn't want to.  I didn't want to be a loser being set up with geeks like all the other ugly girls did, which was all I was attracting at the stadium.  The beer girls were getting numbers while some greasy teen was asking me out, or his dorky dad.  That, evening, though, Seth was a sweetheart.  I didn't get it.  We even had sex and he was so patient that it took forever for me to get wet enough to go inside of me, and it hurt.  Then my boobs were in the way and my belly flopped.  Unbeknownst to me, this repulsed him.  He told his brothers and sisters began "suggesting" new interests, unattractive interests.