The Summer Of 1993

The Quest To Find Maddie's Daddy

I had lost the weight. I had forgotten Seth. Seth was sort of playing the field and was being a man whore. He got a blow job from a server at Sully's. He was revered as a hero.  If I got eaten out at Sully's I would have not been cheered but kicked out of Gamma Beta. I sort of blew him off for the rest of the semester. However summer was here and I got through another semester. It was summer and I was looking for a quality man. I thought I found a couple. However, Brad was sort of "hashing things out" with his girlfriend. He was an engineering major, worked at a factory, and was someone I wanted to bring home the bread for me and Maddie, However, in the end, he told me, "I am getting back with Michelle, but you are a great gal. You will make someone like so happy." I was fired of being the "great gal". The modus operandi was just slap me on the back and send me on the way to another guy to use. One guy even said, after fucking me in his car, "Why do you want to get married? Don't do it just to be married." Even Moose had a girlfriend. However, one night when I went alone to the bars I did not leave alone for a short time.

Since January I was down to 126 and I looked like a Babe. Someone told me I looked like Vanessa Paradis, who dared Lenny Kravitd but I was not too sure., I just smiled. I had no clue who she was and then my friend Nick Nancarrow intruded me to Nick Chaille, a tall, handsome Irish boy, an Irish Catholic, and in my mind a perfect dad. He parred a seat and I sat next to him and we talked all night. "I am a moral Catholic," he told me. I smiled because I honestly wanted that. I told him I was moral, but had a child. "The dad just want to marry me,". I said wistfully. "That's too bad. I don't have a picture, but maybe one day you will meet her." He looked at me and said, "I would be honored. A pretty woman like you doing it all." I smiled. I had to stop it with James, but it was getting intense.  He did back off because we did dare for a while, a month.  It was fun.  He was everything I wanted in a husband and the sex was as close to Johnny as EVER!!!   The orgasms!  Johnny who?  

   He took Maddie to the zoo and was so, so good to her,  I saw him as her dad.  I saw him and a nice, Catholic wedding in the Cathedral,where all the best Catholics wed.  I wanted that.  I admitted it to Jodi, one of the guys he was best friends with girlfriend because, well, I thought all for,so were like my sisters.   Jodi dared Tommy.  

    "This is nice. Nick is SO sweet."
"He is the best."
"I see a future with him."   Little did I know, she told Tommy and it was strike one.  

   Nicks friends were preps.   They were part of the athlete crowd.  Greeks and athletes did not mix.   However, I enjoyed going to the zoo with Nick and he was so sweet,  it nick's family wondered about his brown eyes.  I would learn they were pretty prejudiced at the bug family cookout, wheee double handed euchre was the mo and I was lost.  His mom Kathleen was so sweet, but I found it odd the way she asked questions about Maddie?  "Is her dad American?  Where does he live?"  She whispered something to his dad, but I knew it wash over when I was introduced to his beautiful sister in laws who looked like Barbie's.  Jenni was a total bitch to me but Pam tried.   They turned their nose at me.   Jenni was an executive secretary and Deanna was a nurse.  "I was going to law school,  utbjaving a baby has changed some things,". I said.  They looked at me like "ew". 

    We went back to his place and fucked, but a week later, Nick began to act weird. His friends were talking  and his ds Mikey was talking and I knew.  He was a personal trainer at the college and I came in to see him.  At first, he was so glad to see me but one day he said, "Susan, you need to ASK to come see me.  I am busy and I AM WORKING."  I apologized,  he said, "I think we need to get some ice cream after class and talk about this."  I was so excited,  ice cream after class!  I told my sisters and she said, "Hey, I think he's the one."  They were all so happy for me.   He called up to get me and I knew we were going to take it to the next level. 

   "So, how was class?"  I asked.
"Boring,  business usually is."  He got the truck door for me.
"Hey, this weekend, I was thinking we could go see a movie."  He out the truck into gear.  He said nothing.  

    He pulled into Fidel and Bowlin Orthodontics.  

    "This isn't ice cream,". I said. 
"No,  it's not."
"Is everything okay?"
"Look, you are kind, sweet, loving, and I really like you,"
"Well, I like you, too." 
"I LIKE you, but honestly this relationship is over."
"What?"
"I heard you wanted to keep me.  I heard you wanted to make me maddie's daddy."
"I thought you would be flattered.  I really like you.   We have a lot of the same values."
"Honestly, we don't and I just cannot be a father to someone I did not make.  I am sorry Susan."
"It's fine!  I will just walk home.  All men are assholes anyway.  You enjoy the pussy you go from me, dickwad!?" 
"Let me drive back to campus.  I know you are hurt."
"Fuck you, dickface!  I will,walk.  Go date your pretty woman and find some woman to fuck who doesn't have a kid." 

    I got out and walked that dark night to my car.  I was sobbing.   I got into my car, drove to Linda's, and she saw.   She just held me and talked to me.   "One day, some guy will love her to death and love you all the more.  It will be okay.  Trust me."   She hugged me and I drove home.  Mom was up.   "Well, he dumped me." 

    "I am really sorry, Susan,"
"What is wrong with me.  Am I ugly?"
"Not at all.  Like we have told you, and it's unfortunate, you have had a child out of wedlock.   We love Maddie more than life itself and we think she is great and one day someone will think so, too.  We think you are worth it but do you?"

    My answer was no.  Maybe I needed to die and they raise Maddie.