The Summer Of 1993

Todd and Jan

Janet Holtzinger was my cousin. She was born in 196* and we were close. He and her husband Todd had that sickening relationship where they sound all their time.me smooching and holding hands. I used to try to do that to Steve and he would say, "Babe. Stop." She and her husband Todd always had parties. We a,says looked forward to summers, sitting out in the backyard, listening to country music, and eating. I loved the eating part. Steve and Todd were good friends. Maddie was good friends with Danielle and Jackson from her first marriage and Kerri from their marriage. The first two kids and Maddie were normalcy when they were babies.

    I went to church.   Maddie and Bobby joined me.  It was a rainy, sleepy Sunday and I would have rather napped through the rumbles of thunder, but Jan wanted me to come.   Church was full of, .He is so adorable and Maddie is so pretty".  She was.  She looked just like Johnny.   David Jardins talked to me,  he always sent messages asking how I tasted and how he loved my full body.  Was this all I attracted?  Johnny did get high with me.   It was comical to watch the heartthrob of the world, sleep with the fat lady. 

    We drove to Jan's.   Todd's beat up truck was gone.  Maybe he went to the store.  However, it was odd.  Something seemed off.   We walked in the house.   It was messier and smelled a bit funky.   We walked in and hugged Jan.  She looked good.  She had her hair cut short, like mine under the wigs.   I hugged Jan.  She looked at my belly and I said the word that. Kate women my age uttered, "Menopause".  She said, "Are you sure?"  I mentioned Grandma Fenn and her big belly.  She was a happy, larger lady. I was just turning into her. The house was different. Todd was missing. He was an excellent cook and must have gone to the store to get something.

"So, how have you been?" She asked me. We made small talk over lemonade and still no Todd, so I bit the bullet.

"Where is Todd? Can't be around women like us?" I asked.
"Todd moved out."
"What?"
"Todd moved out."
"I am so sorry,". I told her as I hugged her.
"It's okay."

I guess he moved out. He met a girl at the gas station and it was love and how I wished it was Steve who left me.

We ate lunch and I decided to let it be known who Maddie's dad was when it was done. Maddie and Danielle weee talking.

"We found out who Maddie's dad is,". I told her.
"And?"
"Remember in 1993 when I was a maid? Remember when we used to talk about Tom Hanson's penis at length? Well, Johnny."
"Wow! How do you feel about it, Mads?"
"I have peace," she said.
"Your mom and I used to talk about your dad's penis a lot when he was in 21 Jump Street"."
"Honestly, I have never seen it," she told us.

We stayed until three and I was in my head about Steve leaving me and Johnny picking me as his own. It was wonderful. He looked as he did back when we had the evening at Bethel. On the way home, Maddie asked if I were all right. I was not, I admitted how I was jealous of Jan I was and every time someone got divorced or husband's died, I wished it was Steve in their place. She then mentioned I enabled him and he would never leave. Also was that I was miserable. Everyone says to leave, but who would be out there for me? He would not be handsome. He would not be successful. I used to joke about David Jardins being a good candidate because he got a paycheck due to a car wreck six years ago. I was never going to find true love.

I went home and sat in my room all night, watching TV, scrolling social media for Johntent, Why was I so unlucky in love?