The Summer Of 1993

Not A Normal Spring Break

    On Friday, Jamie picked us up and we went to her sister's house.   It was a bungalow from the twenties.   Mom said, "I admit I am a little sad.  We love that little girl, but you will be home soon and we'll have lots of smooches for her.  Oh and you got a letter."  Marsha sent one "Thank you for the pictures.   She is darling.  She looks a lot like Johnny.   Saw him with the new girl and don't get me wrong.   Sweetheart, you will find someone to love.  You're beautiful and kind AND so loveable.  You will find someone, sweetheart.   I adore you and cannot wait to see you in July."      Jamie and I went to the  grocery, a small neighborhood one and we spent the evening in.  Just us girls.   I went to sleep in the spare bedroom.   Maddie must have not been used to the place as she cried a lot that night.  On Saturday, it was like summer and we went to the mall.  I in my big panties with a big pad.  We saw a few sisters as we walked.   We came home.  I called Seth and he came over for pizza and some chess with Jamie.  Seth was also smart.   I looked at Maddie.  I said, "I hope you never get curious who your dad is."    I didn't want her to know her dad was a Hollywood actor.  She might hate me and want to live with him.  I thought to myself, "Seth would marry me." 

    On Sunday, Seth, the baby and I went to brunch out southwest and then I took him for a drive where I grew up, in the country.   I talked of the future and he gave no indication that he didn't want it to happen.  He talked about his Founder's Day and said he was glad my parents could babysit.   He didn't force sex on me or anything.  I liked that.  Not that Johnny did.  Mafuz did and he confronted me in the library when I brought Maddie to school in my uniform of baggy pants and shirt and big panties with a pad in them. 

     "Is that baby mine?  It looks a bit Indian."
"No.  It is a Hollywood actor.   Sorry."
"Well you went and had  sex right after we dated.  You are a whore."  Not a whore.  I think any woman would drop their drawers for Johnny.  "Oh and you are seeing a pretty boy."
"Mafuz, stop.  Your family has a wife picked out for you.  Who is the whore?"
"You bitch!"  He walked away.   

   Seth seemed on board with things.  He even put little Maddie in the car.   I saw marriage and an adoption of Maddie. 

    That night we had a party and all the sisters just loved Maddie.   "Watch our Maddie grow!" Kelli said.   The guys got a little rowdy but Seth and I got a walk in on the seventy degree say with the baby, but there was still a chill in the air. I saw a future  then and there and it was bright!  I smiled to myself as the sun set.  However, rain set in Monday and I was down in the dumps, crying.   I did miss Johnny.   He would never see this beauty,   She looked up at me with his eyes and I lost it.   On Tuesday, I had a job interview.   It was with a law firm to be a clerk.  However, I squeezed into the outfit, one boob decided to leak and I didn't  get the job.  However, I was glad to be with Jamie and she was more encouraging but her sister was coming home in a day.  It had snowed.  It was beautiful.   The sun set on that beautiful day and I loved seeing it from that kitchen,  

    "I had fun.  I am going up to the campus to apply for a few things.   You hang in there girl,". Jamie said.
"I love you."

    I took my things and Maddie and went in the house.  Mother was home. 

    "So how as your getaway?  How was the job interview?"
"It sucked.  My suit fit but was tight and a boob leaked."
"Oh, honey.  Maybe a law firm isn't where it's at for you at this time.  Now Lourdes works at a call center.  They have evenings and weekends.  Try there."
"Maybe Blake and Fenner will take me.   They are small."
"You could try." 

   Seth called.  He was going to Minnesota for a few days.   After all, his family was from there.   I stayed home and relaxed.   We were going to enter a good time in our relationship, but that "pretty boy" comment upset me.  However, one time he made a slip that would make sense.  He was playing with my pubic area and he opened my lips and mentioned Johnny.   "Johnny Depp was fucking here," he said.   Seth was not getting near it for a long time, if ever, and he seemed okay with it.   Seth called a few times from Minnesota and said he was leaving on Sunday morning.  "I may not see you Sunday night," he said.  

    On Friday we went to see my aunt in Fairmont, Indiana.   She went to school with James Dean.  She lived in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.   She took us to breakfast at a local greasy spoon and then we went to town and shopped.   My aunt Darlene was a fan of Johnny's  movies and she hit the nail on the head.  "She's beautiful, healthy, and has Johnny Depp's eyes and smile.   Are you getting money from him?"  I shook my head.   "She wants to do it all her own," mom said.  "He has a model girlfriend anyway and I am so ugly," I sobbed.   I sobbed the rest of the afternoon.   There was reassurance that I was pretty but my mood was pretty much cryey for the rest of the day. 

     We drove home in silence.  I cried into my coat.  My mom said, "I didn't mean to make you cry, but this was not well thought out.   You are a beautiful girl and some man will be so happy you are his wife.   Johnny, you will never see again and it's best.  Why confront him with a bastard child when he probably has a dozen?"  She was right.  She was so right and at that moment it was engrained in my head that Johnny had no interest in me or the baby at all and to find some fool to marry and deal.   I cried in my room that night holding Maddie,   I hoped the fool was Seth but I had my doubts.