Breaking the Brightness by Ingraego
Reviewer: CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
15-year-old Hanna Young gets accepted to a prestigious art school in Massachusetts. She meets James, the most popular student at this elite school, who will alter her perception of the world and herself.
PLOT:
From a personal perspective, the blurb is good—short and succinct. However, to create more intrigue, you can also add an extended version that provides more insight into the characters and the stakes. Regardless, kudos!
It's clearly a character-driven story. The contrast between the elite school and Hanna's newcomer status creates possibilities for complex human relationships and interactions. James' promised impact on Hanna sets the stage for an engaging friendship (and romantic) narrative. I see the potential for themes such as identity, friendship, artistic reflections, and personal growth to be explored. Moreover, the underlying darker themes add a distinct and suspenseful tone. Overall, the plot offers a rich foundation for an interesting literary fiction.
The plot execution is well done. The opening was a good starting point to introduce Hanna and establish her struggle to get into MAPS, and the subsequent chapters are equally well executed. However, there are some repetitive descriptions and awkward transitions that impact the effectiveness of the narrative. (I will discuss this further under the Writing section.)
The first three chapters have room for improvement, but the story gains momentum from Temporal onwards. The pace is well suited for a character-driven story; despite the natural slow pace of character-driven stories, you managed to keep the narrative engaging through the characters and their interactions. Kudos on that!
CHARACTERS:
All the characters seem promising, with distinct personalities. It's clear that you've put a lot of work into developing the characters and their backgrounds, which is important for a character-driven story. Kudos!
Hanna is a relatable protagonist, and her youthful naivety makes her endearing. It will be interesting to see how she will adapt at MAPS, especially coming from a loving environment. However, the story's trajectory seems to prioritize Hanna and James' relationship; I realize that's the main storyline, but I'd suggest exploring more of Hanna's individuality as a subplot. Highlighting her growth and development as she navigates the competitive and cutthroat world of art and academia would make her character even more compelling and relatable to the readers. Moreover, it will add depth to the overall narrative. I also see potential for magical realism in the plot with her unique "hair-raising" gift when detecting bad people.
James is an enigmatic character. Her obsession with "visual symmetry" is an interesting trait, and I'm eager to see how her character will impact Hanna as their relationship develops. Overall, she may be one of the mysteries that will compel readers to keep turning the pages.
The secondary characters are also well-developed, each with their own goals and struggles. Sandro, especially, has a solid foundation with his struggle to please his parents while pursuing his aspiration.
As for the fun question about which character I liked the most, I relate to Hanna because of her passion for art, and her drive to make a name for herself. I'm also curious about Sandro.
WORLD-BUILDING:
One of the points you raised was about history in general, which I think is about the MAPS. The history of the school is well thought out. The status rank system is a clever addition showing the competitive streak within MAPS. However, the delivery of this information feels too encyclopedic. It would be more engaging if the information gets woven through Hanna's journey, such as detailing her struggles and successes. For example, the three stages of admission could have had more impact if the process of creating her portfolio and her interview with Paul Ross were shown rather than just told to the readers—it'd also highlight Hanna's brilliance and ambition. I also felt some chapters lacked atmosphere due to the lack of setting descriptions. But overall, good job! As previously said, the character histories are carefully developed, too.
