The Most Beautiful Moment in Life by jkuromi874
Reviewer : CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
Seven girls, once best friends, drift apart due to life's challenges, but one is given a chance to travel back in time. She strives to mend their bonds, battling their demons and racing against time to change their fates and bring hope back into their lives.
PLOT:
The blurb serves to entice the potential reader, and I find the presentation rather compelling. While I realize holding back details like character names and specific stakes is intended to pique curiosity (and surprisingly, the ambiguity partly works here), adding a bit more information would enhance the blurb. For example, specifying the timeline rather than using a vague phrase like "to the year they spent together" would make the blurb more effective. I'd also like to comment on the lyrical quality, which gives a taste of the writing style. Kudos!
Coming to the plot, I pushed myself down a rabbit hole searching for the origins of this book—I had no idea BTS had a visual novel published. So, I realize this is a reimagined storyline (a retelling, if you will) with female characters replacing the original male ones. The use of magical realism for addressing themes such as fractured friendships, trauma, mental health issues, aging out of orphanages, abuse, and addiction yields a compelling and multifaceted plot. Time travel is a thrilling element, and I foresee (and hope) its consequences and the value of time being explored.
On a side note: As there are themes related to suicide and violence, I advise reviewing the updated content guidelines for Wattpad Mature to keep your work safe.
CHARACTERS:
Jane, Jazz, Vicky, Nat, Sam, Jackie and Jamie are the mononymous female leads of the book, and there is an unknown protagonist among them who will lead the storyline concerning time travel. Visibly, you have nailed the individuality; each girl has unique traits, passions, and struggles. However, seven protagonists entail sustaining each of their storylines along the main plot, which will be challenging. Moreover, creating a bond between the characters and the reader. At this point, I'm doubtful whether that connection has been achieved, mainly because the purple prose stands in the way (which I will address further in the writing section).
WORLD-BUILDING:
The story unfolds in the modern-day United States, with the opening chapters set in the year 2022 (I believe). The descriptions are commendable for rendering the world vivid, making it accessible even to readers who haven't been to America. Kudos! The pivotal element is time travel that will define this universe, and I'm curious how you will approach this plotline and how it unfolds within this universe.
WRITING:
The opening of the prologue is praiseworthy as it effectively captures the reader's attention and piques curiosity. The format, glimpses of key moments from the seven girls' lives, is almost teaser trailer-like, encouraging readers to ponder and ask questions. However, a concluding hook line may help to unify the narratives. Currently, there is a sense of being choppy and inconclusive.
There are some beautifully written descriptions in your work. However, there are parts where the descriptions become repetitive and slow down the pace without adding to the story—that is, patches of purple prose. Also, it gives a feeling that the purple prose is used to compensate for the thinness of the plot in the chapter(s). For example, Jane's sense of dislocation and estrangement in her city is stretched throughout Chapter 1 without contextual information or cues to explain the underlying reasons for her feelings. Similar issues can be seen in Chapter 2, where Jazz's "new beginnings" seem drawn out.
An easy fix for purple prose: Ask yourself what is the soul of the scene. Identify the key details that contribute to the narrative and describe them—everything else can be low-key.
Additionally, I think that the omniscient narration and the lack of dialogue contribute to the monotony of the narrative. If you ask me, a third-person limited point-of-view might have been more effective for this story as it allows readers to feel closer to each character's mind while you still have the authorial control.
There are a few confusing transitions and inconsistencies in the story. For example, in Chapter 3, Jazz seems to be starting her new role at Two-Star Burger but later mentions that this job was a beacon of stability in her post-graduate life. (I assume this should be interpreted as a future event, but it reads contradicting.) Similarly, the time lapse between Vicky's thoughts and the arrival of Nat is a bit confusing, and I found myself wondering where the proprietor had gone.
Nonetheless, I must say the writing style is well-suited to this story. Once the narrative is composed, its lyrical quality will shine through. The tone of subtle drama and the underlying sense of nostalgia effectively convey the story's essence. I understand you have a good vocabulary at your disposal as well.
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
Nothing is obstructing enough that the reader will realize something is off. However, being more mindful of the sentence structure will help the writing have a clear flow of ideas. Also, consider using more active voice instead of passive voice. Additionally, some phrasings, such as "rhythmic hot of the grill," are unclear and could be revised.
TITLE:
"The Most Beautiful Moment in Life" is a poetic and thought-provoking title, suggesting a book that delves into emotions, memories, or personal experiences that hold beauty and significance. There is a sense of poignancy and nostalgia attached that calls for attention. However, considering its association with a BTS album, I suggest having an original title to establish individuality.
BOOK COVER:
The minimalist approach is interesting and leaves room for interpretation. The overall composition of the book cover is neat and aesthetically pleasing. However, it's difficult to determine the genre of the book—perhaps it's leaning towards poetry. The book cover may also benefit from some imagery alluding to the content. If minimalism is your preference, one of the best ways to create an attention-grabbing book cover is by using typography creatively. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch is an excellent example of typographic book cover.
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
As mentioned before, the narrative feels monotonous and mechanical at times, making it a bit tedious to read. That said, there were engaging moments as well. For example, the section in Chapter 1 between the airport and arrival at Jane's home was well done, and I particularly enjoyed most of Vicky's chapter. Just make sure to rein in the descriptions and the narrative will become more rhythmic, therefore boosting the enjoyment level.
BOTTOMLINE:
Flowery language isn't necessarily a concern if it adds substance to the plot or characters. Be mindful that descriptive prose is relevant and contributes to the reader's engagement. Trust your readers to understand what's happening without repeating the same information in different ways. "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life" has the potential to be the most beautiful read, particularly appealing to those who appreciate emotionally impactful stories. Keep writing!
