Fleeting Thoughts by iTunes5
Reviewer: Gise_lliana
1. Lugiz
Firstly, I really liked the concept of a handkerchief being used as a representation of the feelings as well as the hole's depiction as the hole in heart or otherwise fading feelings. These were the strongest metaphors used in this whole poem. It was awesome! The use of vocabulary and punctuations is sufficient as well and makes a good impression on the readers.
Structurally if we talk, then there is no uniformity. Neither in a single paragraph nor in the whole poem which diminishes the vibe of the poem. Moreover, emojis are not supposed to be used. Keep it simple and lucid. There was an error as well, you had put heart as emoji instead of the word heart itself in one of the stanzas. There is lack of imagery and rhyming scheme as well.
2. Dear Japanese Flag
This poem indeed had a very different vibe from the above one and a very interesting one that. The circus master's representation and the talk about taboo was very different idea. Though you hadn't used much rhyming scheme but the words in consecutive lines were somewhat 40 to 50% rhyming that in turn gave a very strong impression as well felt rhythmic while reading. Vocabulary was on point.
Structurally the problem remains. There were few short forms used. For eg: just was used as jus. Avoid such words and use full forms instead so that it doesn't diminishes the vibrancy of such an exceptionally well written poem.
3. Aches
Okay to my utter surprise this was a masterpiece!
The execution was extremely well. The lines and imagery used was quite addictive and at the same time very powerful.
The metaphors used: new toy, doll, double edged sword and drugs gave off a very powerful voice to tge feelings of the speaker.
Structurally speaking stanzas went downhill. Few of them having three lines while others having 2 or 4 lines made it very unnatural. There were quite many awkward phrases as well. The use of emojis is not adviced.
4. The Spectator's Applause
This poem had an amazing concept, one very hard to build but doesn't fail to touch one's soul. But there are few things you need to improve in order make it exceptionally effective. The structure needs alot of refinement. There should be proper stanzas even though they are questions. Use of more powerful language to increase it's originality while decreasing the cliches can help enhance the quality of the poem making it highly appealing.
5. Falling notes
Contrary to such a good name, the poem feels like a nursery kids rhyme. The beginning of the poem wasn't powerful at all. It felt like a typical song and not a poem. There is very little use of rhyming scheme but it's evident. Other than that there are alot of places you need to work on in order to make it a good poem.
Overall: 23/40
The ideas and concepts used was extremely well but the executive part was lacking working on the suggestions above will definitely help make it better.
