Less than 1% by Beom_bear1303
Reviewer : AakritiPathak
FIRST IMPRESSION:
I almost always suggest the writers to brighten up their graphics. A good book cover does wonders in attracting the readers. It's the first thing that reaches someone's eyes, and "first impression is crucial". The cover only features a guy, there's no title or subtitle present anywhere.
Additionally, we don't have a blurb at all. A single general line gives nothing away. For a good blurb, make sure to include the key characters, the gist of plotline (without spoiling anything), and any possible conflict point. In this case, a small introduction of Allyssa and Beomgyu, their rivalry over grade, them being paired for a project, and one plot question about whether they will look past their clash and acknowledge the mutual attraction. Give something to the audience to look forward to. A non-fandom reader may simply brush past the story given that no description is present.
OPENING:
"First sentences are doors to worlds." – Ursula Le Guin (The Fisherwoman's Daughter).
Aim to pull the readers in the world of your story? Make sure you've the opening of the book pretty strong. Right off the bat, introducing the lead, getting them into trouble (quite literally), leaving sprinkles of foreshadowing, all these are a great way to enhance that intrigue factor. Let's see an example first:
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
– George Orwell [1984]
Coming to the story Less than 1%, the opening chapter rightfully introduces the main characters. It also shows the point of conflict (academic rivalry at peak), a possible plot-turning point (the group project), and the hint of chaos that may follow when these two start spending more time together. The female lead appears as an ambitious and fierce voice, while the male lead is smart, charming, and cocky. Almost complimentary. The writer is evidently aware about what all pointers about the storyline they are going to reveal within the first chapter.
However, the presentation of key scenes have much room for improvement. First and foremost, rather than feeding all the information to the readers, make the writing descriptive and let the readers unfold the conflict. We should be able to feel the anticipation of Allyssa as she waits for the results, or her frustration over finding out she hasn't topped at all. Rather than telling what happened, balance out the writing by adding right around words and emotional value. Adding body language, facial expressions, inner turmoil, thoughts towards the other person, these will make the prose flow smoothly. Secondly, try not to break the fourth wall. This happens when the lead refers to something directly to the audience. For instance, "So as I was saying", "If you think it was Beomgyu, you're right", "Whatever you want to say" – these talks are clearly directed towards the readers, and it easily breaks the aura of reading a book. Fourth wall was introduced prominently for the theater, during a play. Using it in fiction can kill the interest. Instead of making your character talk to the audience, add descriptions. Thirdly, avoid the rush. Piling up scene after scene will do no good. One moment Allyssa is at school, the next she's eating pie, and the next she's standing in front of Beomgyu's house. Rather than racing to reveal the whole plot at once, again, describe. How's Allyssa feeling when she's partnered with Beomgyu? You may add a scene where Allyssa is going home and she's reeling over how she will behave or act upon going to his home. Even when she gets to know that her father has canceled, it's a golden opportunity to detail out her feelings at that point. She can absent-mindedly eat her pie and describe her longing or her disappointment. This way the pacing will feel much more real, and the readers will be able to connect to the speaker better.
