Earth To Eli by Glassgalaxi
Reviewer : CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
What if the devil and angel on your shoulders paid you a visit in real life? Vance, a demon, and Charlotte, an angel, fight to influence college freshman Eli. However, their animosity turns to attraction. When Eli is kidnapped by a demon hunter, can they put aside their differences to rescue him, or will their past destroy them?
PLOT:
There are two plotlines: one follows the task of Vance and Charlotte influencing Eli, and the other is the romance of Vance and Charlotte. The romantic plotline is engaging with its use of the infamous Bad Boy Good Girl trope and adding a whimsical twist of literally making them a demon and an angel. However, the development of Eli's plotline feels a bit overshadowed compared to the romance, which seems to take center stage; this also inadvertently diminishes Eli to a one-dimensional background character. It'd be great to see more depth in Eli's character and perhaps more influence of the competitive nature of Vance and Charlotte (the different methods they employ to achieve their task, have them be more creative instead of just sticking to homework vs partying) on his storyline.
The blurb is well-crafted; it captured my attention right from the opening question. You conveyed the stakes and introduced the conflicts and the characters. Except for minor technical issues, such as a missing hyphen (all-time*) and a to-infinitive (...can't seem to* put out...). Kudos!
CHARACTERS:
The character introductions are well executed. Vance's narration vividly portrays his sarcastic, fun-loving demon nature, and Charlotte's introduction from Vance's perspective is equally well done. What stood out about Vance and Charlotte is that they don't fit into the black-and-white demon and angel stereotype; Vance possesses some angelic qualities, while Charlotte exhibits some feisty demon characteristics, which sets the stage for their characters to evolve and become three-dimensional throughout the book.
However, Eli's character falls short in comparison. While his childish and goofy nature is endearing, it feels somewhat one-dimensional at this point. I'd suggest maintaining his child-like characteristics while also showcasing a level of maturity befitting his age. For example, having him solve a problem that Vance or Charlotte struggled with or placing him in more intense situations to uncover different facets of his personality would help round out his character. There's great potential to explore his character as well as his relationship with the other characters.
The dynamic between Vance and Charlotte is engaging, and their banter is a highlight. The romantic tension between them is also palpable, particularly in the dressing room scene.
However, if I'm nitpicking, the opening chapter's character dynamics can be improved because it felt plot-serving in the way the characters quickly gelled together. Also, Eli predicted Vance's thoughts about partying when making the compromise, which comes off as strange.
WORLD-BUILDING:
The story is likely taking place in New York, as inferred from the mention of the college NYU. However, there's room for more descriptive language to bring the setting to life. Detailed information isn't necessary, but adding more sensory details can help readers visualize and have a better sense of place.
Here, Vance and Charlotte can be a great source for world-building with the concept of angels and demons among humans. While this concept is a well-known trope, it also offers an opportunity for exploration and creativity. I appreciated that the characters aren't sober stereotypes but rather fun and human in their characterization. However, there's still potential to develop their differences in appearance, culture, and behavior within our world, which could enhance the world and the narrative.
WRITING:
The narrative voice is engaging and fun, which makes the reading easy. The only glaring issue I noticed was with the scene transitions and time skips. For example, in Chapter 1, Vance moves from looking out of the window to knocking on Eli's dorm door in an abrupt shift. I think it'd have been a good space to explore Vance's internal thoughts on the task and its importance and create a sense of place by describing the surroundings as he makes his way to Eli. Similarly, it was disorienting when Vance was immediately on the bus after packing—it left me wondering if he had been in the underworld or on Earth; if the former, that was a good opportunity to showcase the underworld.
The awkward scene transitions affected the pacing, creating a feeling of skipped progression. Despite this, I found the tone of your writing enjoyable, and I think your goal is to create a fun and lighthearted book, which you've achieved. I also liked the similes, such as the "caged jaguar" for Vance.
I'd also suggest exploring the other sensory descriptions rather than only visuals for more atmospheric storytelling.
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
I didn't catch any tense issues but found punctuation mistakes, some resulting in comma splices. I noticed a minor trouble with paragraph breaks, too; the general rule of thumb is to break the paragraph when a new character speaks to avoid confusion. I'd also suggest being mindful when adding a tag after dialogue. Dialogue tags and descriptive actions in between dialogues serve as a pause in speech. So, overusing them when they're not necessary can disrupt the flow of the conversation.
Otherwise, the technicalities are neat, and there's nothing too bothersome that the reader will notice.
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
The story doesn't wait around, which immediately draws the reader in, and the short, snappy chapters also help retain their interest. Moreover, as mentioned before, the lighthearted and fun energy makes it an easy and engaging read. The concepts conceived are wonderful, and with further development and stronger narration, the enjoyment quotient will elevate even more.
BOTTOMLINE:
Once the editing and redrafting are complete, I foresee this book being a fun experience. It combines humor and supernatural elements that might be enjoyable for readers of Neil Gaiman, and it even reminded me faintly of Kripke's Supernatural but toned down and lighthearted. Fans of tropes like Bad Boy Good Girl and Enemies to Lovers will find this book particularly appealing. Keep writing!
