Take My Soul by FatimaS529
Reviewer:- TaeTaeGinger88
"About you. I know we don't always get along, but I'm worried about you. You cry a lot & you barely sleep at night. Am I the only one who knows what's going on?"
COVER AND BLURB:-
Portrait-based book cover designs are a great way to let your main character take the stage. And, I'm assuming that the face claim of your cover is the protagonist herself, so it's really thoughtful. It has this modern-simple & elegant look.
Fonts used match the setting, however I'd always recommend for the author's name to be more visible to the readers.
As for the blurb, it seems to be an excerpt of the book from somewhere, a chapter which hasn't been published yet.
An insight of the story is somewhere palpable from it, yet the image remains blurry, & not enough to ignite the curiosity needed. If It's too vague, uninspired, & convoluted, the reader may never draw their fingers to the book sitting on the shelf.
I'd suggest that in addition to your current blurb, add a very brief overview of your book as well, like introducing the main protagonist & her sufferings, current ups & downs, contradictions etc.
You may draw inspiration from one such blurbs from the famous work "Outlander" by Author Diana Gabaldon...
"Scottish Highlands, 1945. Claire Randall, a former British combat nurse, is just back from the war and reunited with her husband on a second honeymoon when she walks through a standing stone in one of the ancient circles that dot the British Isles. Suddenly she is a Sassenach—an "outlander"—in a Scotland torn by war and raiding clans in the year of Our Lord . . . 1743.
Claire is catapulted into the intrigues of a world that threatens her life and may shatter her heart. Marooned amid danger, passion, and violence, Claire teaches her only chance of safety lies in Jamie Fraser, a gallant young Scots warrior. What begins in compulsion becomes urgent need, and Claire finds herself torn between two very different men, in two irreconcilable lives."
Remember, afterall it's the blurb that lets a reader decide whether a book is worth reading or not among a crowd of books vying for attention.
CHARACTER(S) AND PLOT DEVELOPMENT:
Talking about the characters, Leslie, the protagonist, her character sketch is not very clearly laid out. Seemingly, if she's the main centre of attention of the storyline, you need to invest some more emphasis on the overall building of her character. Simply stating that she has personal issues & not giving a very concrete account of the reasons for her crying a lot, contradictions she's suffering etc, the essence of the story remains dormant.
For instance, you've mentioned that her relationship with her brother has seen a downhill & they're not on very good terms, whilst her parents are really supportive & caring for her. That truly forms a thread of the story, but then the scenes where she starts tearing up abruptly, the reason being hazy, as in not even stated, raises a contradiction for the smooth flow of the story.
Overall, what I want to present is that there's a dire need to pay more work on the character building of Leslie, especially when you've already reached chapter 9. Unravel the traits of her character through her behaviours, way of speech, relationships with the people around her, past experiences, her sufferings etc.
Talking of other characters, her friends Oliver, Lizzie & Cole, they've got fair chances to be remembered, however increasing some more emphasis on their friendly interactions with Leslie wouldn't hurt. Leslie's rock bottom relationship with her brother has more to go for, so I won't comment much here.
Now coming to the plot development, the descriptions have been well laid out, they're pretty easy to picturise. The storyline has been flowing smoothly without bumps for now, the future aspects can't be discerned as of now. However, some excitation & expectant drama is very much needed at this point till where you've updated, since it's really necessary to keep the readers hooked in & not lose interest.
WRITING STYLE AND PACING:-
Your writing style is not unique but has a gripping essence of its own, except for the part of describing your characters well. The descriptions of the settings & their mutual interactions really drew the readers in.
Talking about the pacing, I think it wouldn't hurt to lift up your pace a little. It's required as the story has already reached 9th chapter, & to be honest, hasn't revealed much. Thereby, there's a serious note that the readers at this point might lose interest.
Also, I'd suggest increasing the length of your chapters, they're short & too crisp to like.
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY:-
The extent of vocabulary used is exquisite and I truly appreciate you for that. You've made the perfect choices of words which has made the story a lot more expressive in its plot and more engaging. They really fit in their literal meanings according to the plot. As far as I noticed, there's no repetition of words and it's the most impressive plus point, cause many times, the constant repetition of words make the readers lose their interest and get easily bored, no matter how strong the story build up is.
As for the grammar, there's no doubt that you did well in this too. However, I noticed a very few grammatical mistakes related to tenses etc. They could be rectified once editing is done.
PERSONAL ENJOYMENT:
Personally, the story seems intriguing & the character of Leslie adds up to it. The story can be made unique & stand out if some unexpected twists & theories are considered. Relationship quotient between Leslie & her brother Noah needs some more work, as well as a more focus on the character build up of Leslie through major emphasis on her body language, expressions, thoughts etc. Hope you'll take my suggestions as a mentor's challenge & get to work immediately.
All the very Best for your future writings.
Keep up the Good Work Fatima!
