Fragile by SubhankiIndia
Reviewer: Gise_lliana
1. When I Die
Absolutely wonderful poem! The beginning was strong and presented a variety of emotions which were depicted through a powerful usage of words. The rhyming scheme added onto the monotonous tone. My only suggestion would be to construct proper stanzas rather than having a loose line format for a more accuracy.
2. Tonight
One of the enigmatic poem from your collection I would say. Excellent use of imagery and a variety of metaphors used has made it a great poem. The structure and construction of the stanzas was good as compared to the one before. The repetition of the word 'Tonight' was a fitting choice as it provided a beautiful vibe and subtly conveyed the speaker's emotions. A bit more work on vocabulary and words can enhance the vibrancy of the poem.
3. Escape
The concept of the poem was a bit cliche since there are already so many poems and speeches about escape and freedom. Even though the concept was cliche you could've made the poem an unbelievably good one if you put in a bit effort. Reason being few stanzas feel off and hard to catch on. There is lack of fluidity and lucidity in the poem. No proper rhyming scheme has made the phrases awkward and not so pleasing. Structurally speaking, the stanza format is missing.
4. Below
Indeed a great way to depict a one's misery when they realize that they have been fed with delusions. The lines evokes strong emotions of trust and betrayals followed by longing and loneliness. The rhyming scheme though a bit faltered yet is not a problem in this one. Words like "etched" and "dimmed" provides a very bittersweet vibe to it.
5. Search for Life
A very scientific theory expressed into a verbal poetry. It makes one realize one's boundaries and the consequences it might bring if we try to cross it. The use of line "Of a world, where we are not meant to be" suggests the bundles of boundaries set for us beyond which we are never meant to set foot. It is a very philosophical poem and a good one at that.
6. A Silent Room
The poem suggests a very meaningful relationship between the humans and the place they reside. It had a unique concept but you limited your own idea instead of exploring and expanding it. Try adding more stanzas for a more detailed version. There is lack of metaphor and imagery in this one
7. Sailor
A beautifully written poem. Expands on the idea of the separation face by the men and their families in search of resources to give them a comfortable lifestyle. It was really a heart touching one and I loved it. Maybe a bit more usage of powerful vocabulary can convey the emotions more strikingly.
8. One Last Time
The poem was absolutely fantastic. It gave a transmigration or in other words the concept of time turning back mostly viewed in typical isekai manhwas. The rhyming scheme provided a slow and subtly paced tone. Best part you changed the line "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" to "beauty lies in the eyes of all" which successfully avoided cliches and enhanced the originality of the poem.
Overall: 32/40
This book contains wonderful collection of poems, all displaying variety of emotions and beautiful portrayal of the very same.
Keep up the good work!
