Hiraeth by _BLACKSPADESZ
Reviewer: CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
Ella Wilsonville finds out that her fiancé cheated on her with her sister. Her parents, privy to that, force her to marry a stranger—Lucas Walker, an unromantic CEO looking for a convenient marriage. Can they overcome their differences and find love, or will outside forces keep them apart?
PLOT:
A well-written blurb, grammatically and structurally, gives a positive first impression. So, kudos on that! If I'm nitpicking, the sentence "He only chooses a woman for three things" and the list that follows lacks correlation. When I first read the sentence, I expected the list to outline his three reasons for pursuing any woman. However, the list actually describes his expectations of/reasons for a partner, which could be clearer.
The plot plays on the common romance trope of "betrayed by fiancé" and "forced marriage," set against the backdrop of billionaire romance. Overall, there's the potential for romantic drama arising from the conflict between Ella's family and the inconvenience of a marriage of convenience. It's an idea that will surely interest a lot of romance fans, especially to see how compatible (or incompatible) Ella and Lucas will be.
The plot execution has room for improvement, but overall, it is well done. The prologue is well-written and effectively introduces the characters, the scenario, and the stakes—overall, a great start! The following chapters are also structurally well done, and the short chapters are easily devourable. However, Ella's character progression lacks clarity and, therefore, feels almost unrealistic and caricatured. Given that romance is character-driven, the overall story pace feels off due to these sudden developments in the characters. (I will go further into this under the Characters section.)
CHARACTERS:
The narrative is in first-person, yet Ella's internal thoughts, although briefly explored, feel veiled for the most part. For example, one of the central storylines seems to be the revenge towards her family and sister. However, her prior feelings towards her family and sister aren't contextualized to help readers fully understand the depth of her current emotions. This also affected the transition into revenge mode, which felt swift and dramatic. Exploring the distress she experiences at her fiancé's betrayal a bit more may help with that.
Adding more context to the sister relationship earlier in the story would also help showcase and convince the dynamics between the characters—especially since there was the mention of "signs being there" regarding her sister and fiancé, which the readers didn't get to see.
Ella's character undergoes a drastic shift from the prologue to the subsequent chapters. For example, her sudden "rich brat" behavior is intriguing but feels sudden compared to the Ella seen in the prologue/first chapter. Exploring underlying emotions and providing a stronger basis would help readers understand this change better. Moreover, the situation she's in calls for emotional complexities for realism. It would also add depth and consistency to her character rather than making it seem purely for the plot's sake. However, I must say that the portrayal of her conflicting emotions, particularly her clinging to Rick, is beautifully depicted in the prologue.
The use of cologne as a symbol for Lucas is clever—"rich," "heady," and "intoxicating" effectively encapsulates and introduces his character. His entrance is well executed in the prologue. I expected him to be reluctant towards Ella, so it was interesting to see the opposite dynamic play out.
The romantic tension between the characters is well portrayed, particularly in scenes such as the jewelry picking.
WORLD-BUILDING:
Although there's no clear indication of the setting (might be the US (New York?) from the mention of Blue Niles), you've done a great job of creating a sense of place in your writing. I enjoyed how you used descriptions, especially the way you used the weather in the prologue to set the scene. However, I think there could be more worldbuilding around the businesses in "Serenity," especially since Ella's revenge plan seems to revolve around her father's business and also because Lucas is the prime investor—what does she think of that? I think there's room to explore Ella's opinions about her father's business to flesh this out. Moreover, she had a clear view on Rick's job—what's her take on Lucas'?
WRITING:
The writing has a dramatic tone with a hint of romance and a slight underlying suspense that adds tension. The tension and dynamics between the characters, particularly Ella and Lucas, are wonderfully conveyed, keeping the reader engaged and curious about what will happen next.
The dialogues are engaging and add depth to the narrative. But the writing relies on dialogue tags quite a bit, such as "muttered," "chuckled," "grumbled," "interrupted," "smirked," and "said" are used frequently throughout to attribute to the character speaking. Adding unique actions can bring variety to the conversation, and also, keep in mind that tags are mainly for clarification. When only two people are talking, tags may not always be necessary unless you want to emphasize their specific reaction.
The descriptions are good, but there's a tendency to use redundant phrases. For example, "whispered quietly" where "quietly" is redundant. Also, in chapter 3, while describing Lucas' physical features, the repetition of "eyelashes" is awkward.
However, overall, the writing is polished and immersive. Kudos!
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
The writing is quite polished. I didn't notice anything off-putting. As mentioned earlier, some phrasings could be improved for better conciseness and clarity. However, setting that aside, the chapters are well-organized and free from distractions. Good job!
TITLE:
"Hiraeth" is a Welsh word akin to homesickness. So, the title might be nodding to how Ella lacked a sense of home with her parents and sister and how she may be seeking that feeling in Lucas. It could also be about how Ella is searching for her sense of belonging, especially considering her aspirations for a modeling career. The title's relevancy hinges on the plot; however, it currently promises a poignant and emotional novel, which I'm unsure the tone of writing/story progression reflects.
BOOK COVER:
The book cover is expertly designed, with the elite-dressed couple hinting at a billionaire romance. The grayscale against gold creates an attractive coloring that makes the font shine and legible. If you're looking for suggestions, I think it'd be better to use an image that captures the tension between the couple and their marriage of convenience. Right now, it feels too romantic, even though the woman looks a little lonely. Regardless, kudos!
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
I imagine all the chapters fall under 1k words, but it's impressive that they don't feel too short or lack substantial content. They are brief and to the point, which makes the chapters easy to devour. Kudos on that! The distraction-free writing and easy-to-follow plot also add to the overall enjoyment.
BOTTOMLINE:
The writing and grammar are well done, which is always a positive on Wattpad. To enhance the story, delve deeper into the characters and use a wider range of descriptions, especially in depicting their reactions and actions, to make sure that they don't appear copies. Fans of romance with themes of "forced proximity" and "marriage before romance" will enjoy Hiraeth. Keep writing!
