Love, Hate and Indifference by Ophelia2019
Reviewer: CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
The story follows Dariele and Hywel, who fell in love but were separated when the Titanic sank. Years later, their children, Dorothea and Isambard, fall in love, leading to a complex situation for the once-lovers-now-enemies. Will love conquer all?
PLOT:
I think the blurb could use some refinement to reflect the storyline. Specifically, the phrasing concerning the timeline details, such as "a couple of years" and "with child." I also felt that highlighting Dorothea and Isambard's love story (seemingly the central plotline) would be a more accurate representation of the book's focus. The paragraph formatting also could use some clarity for overall impact. For example, the sentence, "Fated to break each other's hearts and with secrets they would never tell a soul, how would these once-lovers-now-enemies find love again?" seems a bit confusing upon first read, especially given the two storylines.
The concept itself is complex and intriguing, with intergenerational family drama and romance. It's clear that the story is character-driven, and I can see the potential for emotional character developments and exploration of themes such as love, family, forgiveness, and redemption. Moreover, the early 20th-century setting adds an extra layer of depth, making it appealing to fans of historical fiction.
The execution of the concept is satisfyingly well done. The attention to detail, such as the letters being the sole communication between Isambard and Dorothea and how their shared love for sonnets is reflected in those letters, along with the exchanges of life stories, effectively works on the idea of loving the person inside rather than the outside. These elements are all very thoughtful and poetic. The idea of love through letters is fitting for the era as well. Overall, it seems like a cute, easy read and gives a sense of comfort. Kudos!
CHARACTERS:
The characterizations are well-executed, and I see a parallel between Dorothea and Dariele, and Isambard and Hywel, fitting for a history-repeats-itself plotline. The contrast between Hywel and Quennel is apparent, just as between Isambard and Philetus. However, Philetus' peculiar attitude lacks clarity, especially why Isambard feels compelled to take on the family's responsibility. It might be worth exploring whether Philetus is dealing with challenges such as addictions or a general disinterest in life, which could explain why Isambard feels the need to step in and assume that role. I also noticed that there is room for more character moments that got overlooked. (I will address this further under the Writing section.)
The budding romance between Isambard and Dorothea is portrayed endearingly. You've captured the excitement and desire of newfound love, building a relatable sense of curiosity about their developing relationship.
WORLD-BUILDING:
This seems to be a simplified portrayal of France in the early 20th century. While world-building helps create and contextualize the characters' beliefs, actions, and even relationships, the necessity of how detailed it should be depends on the narrative goal. Given your focus on internal conflicts, a more minimal approach can still resonate well with readers. However, I encourage you to consider exploring the external struggles a bit further. This additional layer could make the narrative more nuanced, especially considering the significant historical elements like World War II and issues of sexism and gender discrimination, which you briefly mentioned.
The HAEE structure, while minimally explored, is effectively designed, especially in re-establishing the timeline by showing the division of boys' and girls' duties and studies. The detail of the secret room that Dorothea discovers provides more insight into the HAEE building and hints at the institution's long history.
Regardless, the narrative style, character names, and behaviors did help create a sense of place and time. Kudos!
WRITING:
The prologue helped establish the narrative voice and style. Although the pov switch is noticeable, it flows naturally from Dariele to Quennel to Hywel, allowing the reader to grasp each character's emotions and internal struggles. This success is partly due to the narrative voice you have maintained, which is both emotional and compelling. It invites the reader to ponder the characters' histories and futures.
The descriptions of the feelings are well done, making the characters' experiences relatable. I particularly liked the perspectives between Hywel and Quennel—seeing versus feeling—as it nicely emphasizes their differences. However, the descriptions could be more active. For example, instead of telling, "She got up from her warm bed and walked sleepily to the door," showing her reluctance using sensory details, such as describing her feet dragging across the floor will create a stronger visual. Similarly, in the sentence, "He was still slightly shivering, but it was as if his eyes were stuck on Dariele because he was staring at her without any hesitation," the phrases "staring" and "eyes stuck on" convey the same idea, creating redundancy. You could revise it for clarity while preserving the essence, for example, "He was still slightly shivering, but his eyes were fixed on Dariele, staring without any hesitation." Otherwise, kudos! On another note, I liked the clever touch of the prologue's ending referencing the book title.
As previously mentioned, there's room to add more character moments, especially since this is a character-driven story. At times, it feels like important character interactions were skipped over. For example, the training session seemed like a missed opportunity to explore Isambard's friendship with Priel, as well as his thoughts on Priel's determination and how it contrasts with his own frustrations about his situation. This would develop both characters and also showcase the dynamics of the HAEE academics. Similarly, you can go deeper into character development through their relationship with other characters, such as the conversation between Dorothea and Mrs. Longwor, which could reveal more about Dorothea's personality. Even a few thoughtfully crafted lines could significantly enhance the narrative and add layers of realism to the story.
The dialogues are generally well-written, so kudos for that! However, some moments feel more focused on delivering information. For example, the first conversation between Darielle and Hywel feels forced, especially in how Hywel shares details about his family, and Darielle's reply that she was only married two weeks ago seems directed at the reader rather than a natural conversation. Balancing dramatic tension with a more conversational tone will avoid this contrived feeling. Also, incorporating their body language, their reflections on their past, and the then-and-now conflicting emotions would add to the emotional weight of the situation and enhance its authenticity.
Despite the few areas that could benefit from tighter phrasing, the overall tone and style are effective, having natural narrative progression and engaging the reader well. Kudos!
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
The chapters are mostly well-written. However, to further enhance clarity, I suggest focusing on sentence structure and punctuation, particularly the use of commas in compound and complex sentences. The noticeable error is the missing commas before conjunctions linking independent clauses and after subordinate clauses or introductory clauses. There's also a rare case of a perspective switch, such as, "He loved his parents, but their cracks were quite visible to me."
However, generally, good job!
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
So far the chapters are engaging in a laid-back manner, and the narrative evokes a dreamy, almost poetic quality. The concept of a romantic relationship developing through letters, rather than traditional physical attraction, is intriguing and keeps the reader curious about what the next letter will reveal. Overall, this book feels like a cozy autumn evening.
BOTTOMLINE:
The writing is easy to follow, and the romance is sure to appeal to old-school romantics. It's poetic and slightly melodramatic in a delightful manner. Fans of cozy romances, generational dramas, and the dark academia vibe will definitely find this one appealing. Keep writing!
