Hot-Hearted | Jeon Jungkook by delulu_alex
Reviewer : CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
Song Y/N, a detective at Ravenport PD, partners with criminal Jeon Jungkook to investigate a series of chilling disappearances. As they unravel dark secrets and navigate a city rife with betrayal, they must decide if they can trust each other to bring down the most ruthless criminals, especially when sparks fly between them.
PLOT:
The concept of the detective falling for the criminal may be controversial. So, it's important to approach with care to avoid romanticizing criminal behavior or sending a message that love can overlook serious wrongdoing, which is problematic. However, at the end of the day, if you handle it nuanced and thoughtfully, this is an opportunity to explore the complexities of love, morality, and conflicting emotions. I find it comforting to learn that Jungkook is unlikely to be responsible for the disappearances, as that would make a toxic romantic trope.
The plot development in the first five chapters is well-executed. I liked how there are two alternating storylines (Jungkook's and Song's), and seeing them gradually come together is wonderful. Overall, the plot is exactly how you sell it: suspenseful, dangerous, and romantic.
The blurb is short and to the point. Kudos! However, if I'm nitpicking, I think the ending could have a better hook. Personally, the blurb inside the book captivated me more. Perhaps if you could combine the two, it would make for a stronger blurb overall.
CHARACTERS:
The foundation for the characters is well done. I see the contrast between Jungkook and Song, which will make their rapport interesting to watch. Kudos on that!
The opening scene introduces Song's detective persona. Although her almost giddiness for the investigation was stark against the dire situation, it allows her passion for her work to be evident. Just a thought to consider: I think it'd be more engaging to see her in action rather than waiting around for Yoongi, and when Yoongi arrives in the middle, the conversation will be more natural and dynamic. This may create a more engaging opening for the readers, too.
Forgive me for my inexpertise with Y/N stories, but I expected the narration to be in second-person (the blurb suggested the same). So, the third-person made me wonder about the necessity of the Y/N placement, especially when you've created a compelling character like Song. You could have easily made Song an OC by giving her a name.
Jungkook, a criminally attractive criminal, has a fresh portrayal with room for depth and humanity. The brotherly dynamic between him and Tae helps add a different facet to his character.
Overall, I found the dynamics between both duos (Song/Yoongi and Jungkook/Tae) natural and endearing.
My only suggestion is to explore the characters' internal and external struggles in detail. For instance, Jungkook's internal thoughts and conflicts need clarity. For example, delving deeper into why the interview was important to him will make the readers understand his motivations; also, detailing the behind-the-scenes efforts until Degas's interview would allow readers to appreciate and emotionally connect with Jungkook. You could also explore the importance of this disappearance case for Song.
WORLD-BUILDING:
The setting seems to be ambiguous, but I'm guessing the story is happening in fictional locations within South Korea. If that's the case, your goal is to make the setting realistic and to represent and be aware of the real location (South Korea). While you don't need to describe everything, adding details such as the weather, local culture, and basic geography can help readers better visualize the place. Your setting descriptions are good, but there's room to enhance world-building by being more specific. For example, rather than using general language like "the familiar city lights," you could describe the unique features of the city lights during the drive to Jungkook's place. Similarly, the description of The Hive is visually informative, but you could explore the environment, that is, the crowd and their activities, to enhance the overall immersive experience.
WRITING:
The writing is good overall, with well-paced events, a smooth flow of alternate points of view, and decent descriptions. There's a neat foundation, so now it's time to focus on enhancing it.
There are some great descriptions, but some come off as informational rather than engaging narrative, and as mentioned before, adding those extra specific details will help the scene to be atmospheric and flush out the setting and characters.
The dialogues are engaging, but there's room to add insights into the character's thoughts and feelings, which will also help balance the mix of dialogue and narrative. For example, Jungkook asking, "So, is this what you imagined when we planned our glorious futures?" feels like an abrupt conversation on the subway. Maybe an internal thought leading up to that moment would make the dialogue feel more organic. However, I liked how you included tidbits of the characters' personal lives in between the chapters, especially in the case of Song and Yoongi; it added depth and relatability.
Some elements of the investigation and police procedures require more depth and accuracy to enhance realism. I'd also suggest being mindful of minor details, such as Ho-seok removing his gloves and then touching the body again, which a professional examiner probably wouldn't do.
Overall, the writing effectively creates a sense of tension and suspense that fits the crime genre and draws the reader into the investigation. The lighthearted and comedic alternate chapters of Jungkook and Tae are a welcome break and maintain engagement. Kudos!
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
The writing is almost 90% solid in the technical aspects. However, I noticed some issues with punctuation, particularly with missing commas between independent clauses connected by coordinating conjunctions and the presence of comma splices. Some sentences will be more impactful when trimmed of unnecessary filters. For example, in the sentence "Jungkook started but trailed off, feeling a rush of gratitude that he couldn't quite put into words," the phrase "trailed off" feels redundant given the use of ellipsis; it can also be rephrased to be engaging, for example, "Jungkook couldn't quite put into words the sudden rush of gratitude he was feeling." Certain word choices, like "shrugged internally," came off as confusing in the context. However, overall, good job!
TITLE:
The title feels like a play on the word "cold-hearted," which means a lack of emotion or warmth. Therefore, "hot-hearted" suggests that the book deals with strong emotions and a fervent plot, which aligns with the romance genre and the crime subgenre. The purpose of a title is to capture the reader's attention, and I think "Hot-Hearted" accomplishes that.
BOOK COVER:
I don't always find real people on fiction book covers appealing, especially modeling poses. However, when done right (for example, The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa), it's as effective as any. Your composition is interesting, the vibrant red text stands out, and the image choice is attractive. If I may suggest, the cover would better reflect the book if Jungkook/female's image is manipulated to be a criminal/detective. Regardless, I think it grabs the attention of the target audience.
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
The writing is almost distraction-free, and the characters' dynamics are enjoyable. So, overall, the enjoyment quotient is there. The alternating chapters are a highlight, which helped keep the engagement and the anticipation alive. It'll be interesting to see how the balance between crime and romance plays out. But I sense potential for a fresh experience in the fan-fiction genre (which is conventionally romance-forward), with the murder mystery plot being a breath of fresh air here.
BOTTOMLINE:
Although there is room for improvement, "Hot-Hearted" shows promise. This fan-fiction will appeal to those seeking a package deal of murder mystery and romance. Fans of enemies-to-lovers and found-family will appreciate the characters' dynamics. Keep writing!
