Just Breathe Vol. 1 by Aang151Rron
Reviewer: Gise_lliana
1. What Came Before
To begin with the concept of the poem was not executed effectively which took awhile to understand the whole thing. Inshort it was very confusing.
There was no construction of stanzas and there were only loose sentences or rather words just splattered here and there. B4 used instead of before though was a good punn but technically is not acceptable. Rephrasing and proper construction as well as clear cut and impactful lines are to be implemented in order to ensure it's overall purpose.
2. In Just A Breathe
The lines used are powerful. The opening stanza is curated very efficiently. The structure is lucid enough as well. The reoccurrence of just a breath successfully created a very resonating rhythm. The rhyming scheme though not fluid throughout but was subtle and appreciable. The lacking parts were the use of good imagery and strong metaphors which wpuld enhance the vibrancy and add more depth to the poem.
3. ENOLA
Short, sweet and a ver beautifully written poem. Totally loved it. The rhythm and rhyming scheme all were just perfect. W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L-!
4. Slow Time
I was taken aback here. The poem was written exceptionally well. Not a single mistake I could point out moreover the words, lines and phrases were very powerful. My only suggestion would be to put the poem in a stanza format rather than loose sentences.
5. All of a Sudden
Again a very brilliant poem. The only flaw it had was the use of Shakespearean English which made it cliche. I'd suggest you to rephrase it so it becomes more coherent and easy on reader's eyes.
6. What Slow Sudden Breathe Enola?
The poem was okay. It could've been better considering the ability you showcased in the poems above. Moreover the unreasonable use of few inverted question marks or I don't know what it is called otherwise is not a good idea. Also limit the use of Aesthetics as it draws more attention rather than the text written.
7. Relationships
This poem had a concept which could've been explored more diversely. Though there is strong conveyance of the emotions, but most of the parts are either cliche or too overused which degrades it's Originality. Furthermore, the use of spades and other emoji made it very unnatural.
8. The Love of Nothing
The poem portrayed strong emotions yet failed to captivate the audience. Reason being, too much use of Aesthetics, no proper stanzas and many other factors which are stated above as well.
Overall: 25/40
I really liked the poems but there are areas where you need to work in order to make it a hit. Keep working. Goodluck!
