Of Plots and Mischief by AnaqatRaschid
Reviewer : RavingBlack
PLOT
Is there a clear goal/direction?
Yes. It seems to be that Phyllon and Karriv are going to set sail and find a cure for his fiance while also dealing with a seccessionist plot.
However, the major story beats such as the hook and inciting incident could be clearer. For instance, your first paragraphs should be about why you should care about what will happen in the novel-the hook. The halted trade in the region is certainly significant to the story, but is it the most important, interesting thing about the book?
Most of the time, the hook centers on a character during the hook. For example, Kung Fu Panda opens with its main character, Po, dreaming about fighting alongside his idols as a hero before waking up to his disatisfying life as the clumsy, humble son of a cook. This is a hooking introduction because it shows us that Po has something that he wants-a life full of glory and action-but he has something obstructing him: his current status working in his dad's noodle shop. This is interesting because this hook shows us that Po has a goal to work for and something to struggle against; it promises us a story with an active protagonist with problems to overcome. You don't have to follow this formula exactly, but this is just one of the ways you could choose to write a hook.
Worldbuilding is also a valid topic to use for your hook, and it seems to be your bread and butter, so I understand why you chose to open the first chapter with it. However, you'll need to put in a bit more work to make it interesting enough to be a hook. Worldbuilding by itself with no characters or conflicts to center it with is not generally very interesting; there must be a reason why we care about a plague and stagnated trade. For example, the former soul of a lively and thriving port pitted against the crushing weight of the epidemic could be interesting if you centered a person-or the main character-against that backdrop. Phyllon sees everything that the port could have been and wants to restore it to its former glory, but he needs to deal with the epidemic first. This is just an example of how you could write your hook; this is just how I would prefer to write one.
Either way, I suggest rewriting your opening chapter to be more geared toward the purpose of convincing readers to continue reading. Some say that the beginning of your novel should be placed as close as possible to your inciting incident, but whether that sort of pacing is right for Of Plots and Mischief is to your discretion. Regardless of the timing, the inciting incident should definitely come soon after the hook because most readers are waiting for the main conflict to be introduced already. As far as I can tell, the inciting incident doesn't seem to exist other than Phyllon's casual agreement to allow Karriv to sail with him or perhaps when Karriv receives word that his fiance's health was in danger. It's a bit anticlimactic because the inciting incident is meant to be the spark, so to speak, if the hook was your kindling. The hook sets up a protagonist that has something to gain (riches, character development, Macguffins, etc) or protect (the status quo, loved ones, etc) which the inciting incident then exploits. That's why Po being chosen as the Dragon Warrior who will protect the valley is a good inciting incident that exploits Po's desire to gain glory. The inciting incident doesn't need to be big, flashy, or dramatic, but it does need to be significant to Phyllon's journey as a character. Keep in mind why this event is significant to Phyllon when it comes to what he wants most in the world or what he fears most? How does this event present an opportunity for him to pursue his true goals?
Is it connected to the characters on a personal level?
Most if not all of the main characters must hold some type of personal emotional stake in the plot. If characters have this deep connection to pushing the plot, it demonstrates why the plot is important and why readers should be invested in reading it.
