Chapter 45

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Stefano

The rest of the dinner was fucking awkward and tense and I think everyone could feel it, because Luke and I left immediately after we finished eating, we headed to his apartment, even the car drive was tense, I didn't say anything to him, and he didn't say anything to me either, I was thinking of how I was going to ask him about it.

We made it to his apartment and I didn't even get the time to feed my eyes with how his house looked, because my mind was filled with so many questions, I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know if I should be mad, or angry at him, or just ..... I clenched my jaw as I followed him into the room he said was mine to sleep in for the night, he opened the door and stepped in, I followed behind him and dropped my bag on the floor, walking further into the room, he turned to look at me and sighed out
"This is your room, feel free to do whatever you want" he whispered out, I didn't say anything to him, I just stared at him for a while, before he slowly turned around, about to walk out when I stopped him, he's not going to pretend I did not hear what I heard from his mom.

"Is it true"? I asked and he stopped in his track, his shoulders going tense and he seemed to be in a conflict with himself
"What your mother said, is it true"? I asked and he slowly turned around and faced me, biting his lower lip, his eyes met mine and he sighed out heavily, but still didn't say anything to me.
"Luke talk to me, is it true? are you....." He cut me off

"In love with you"? He asked and I bit my cheek waiting for him to continue "what does it matter"? He asked and I didn't know when a scoff left my lips, my eyes staring and boring holes into him

"What does it matter? Luke we're talking about your feeling here and you're asking if it matters" I whispered out to him and he just licked his lips and looked away from me

"Yes Stef, does it matter, what are you going to do about it? Are you suddenly going to break up with Matteo because you know I'm in love with you"? He asked and I opened my mouth and closed it again, not knowing what to say to him, of course he knows that can't happen, he shook his head "exactly my point" he muttered out "Stef there's nothing you can do about it, yes I'm in love with you, but that's all it's ever going to be, you can't love me back like that and I don't expect you to, you're happy with someone else and I'm okay with that" he rushed out looking at me, I clenched my jaw and swallowed hard.

He's making a good point but that doesn't make it okay, and it still doesn't make it any better, how the hell did I not notice that he was harbour such feelings for me?
"Why didn't you ever tell me"? I asked and he scoffed and ran his hand down his face

"When would I have told you"? He asked "the last 16 years I spent hating myself for what I did to you, and when I showed up in New York, you weren't exactly open to the idea of hearing about how I felt, and before you left, I didn't even know I felt that way for you" he rushed out "I always knew I loved you, but I always felt it was brotherly love and nothing more, it wasn't until you left that I realized that I....." He paused and looked away from me, I know this is hard for him, I've been on the other side before, so I know exactly how he feels, and it's driving me crazy because I can't do anything about it, he's right, I can't break up with Matteo because I suddenly found out he's in love with me, I love Luke, but as a friend and brother, that's all I've ever seen him as, that's all he's ever been to me

He sighed out and looked at me, taking a step closer to me "Stef, I care about you a lot, and your happiness matters to me, I didn't tell you about my feelings for you because I didn't want you to pity me, and I didn't want you to think that was why I wanted to get back into your life, and to be honest with you, my feelings for you don't matter, not anymore, I have my best friend back and that in itself is enough for me, I can't ask for more, Matteo makes you happy and that's all that matters, so please, just.... Don't let my feelings for you change anything between us, I love you as my best friend and I can't lose you again, not again" he whispered out, causing me to bite my lips and stare into his eyes, they looked kind of brown, but I know they're Scarlet red and not brown

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