His Redemption (MxM)

Chapter 41

Hewitt

I should have told him, when it just started happening, I should have told Stefano about Luke and I.
I never should have kept it a secret for this long, but even I didn't know that we would fool around for this long, and today he walked in on Luke giving me a blow job and he flipped, but that's not even the highlight of my day, it all started when he asked how Luke and I started messing around.

Maybe Luke was right, I shouldn't have told him what I did, but I didn't think I did anything wrong, not until he said, not until he said those words to me.
And now I've been thinking about since then and I can't get it out of my head, if.... Does that make me....
I looked up at Luke who has been standing in my living room for the past few minutes.

I never realized what I did could be tagged as... Rape, I mean I acted out of anger and frustration, and he didn't stop me, he should have stopped me, but he didn't, so I didn't think what I did was wrong, not until Stefano said it to me, and now I don't know how to fix it.

My heart dropped when Stefano said those words to me, when he told me I had raped Luke, that was not what I intended to do, I did what I did because of Stefano and not for myself.
And I'm not trying to justify it, or blame it on anyone, it's all my fault and now I know.

When Stefano asked me to apologize to Luke, I was ready to do it, anything to atone for what I did, to make sure Stefano doesn't stay mad at me, I don't want our friendship to be ruined because of me, but then Luke stood up for me, he told me not to apologize.

You can imagine the shock when Matteo told me that Luke had been talking to Stefano on my behalf, he has no reason to do that, to stand up for me, to defend me, he has no reason to do all of that but he did, and he's still doing it.
He's trying to make me feel less crappy for what I did, even though all I've done since meeting him is to make his life a living hell, so that's why I decided to ask, curiosity I guess.

And his answer only confused me the more, cause I was staring at him, waiting for him to explain what he meant by he sees himself in this position 16 years ago.
He sighed out and clenched his jaw tight, not out of anger, but I think more out of nervousness.

"When he left 16 years ago, I didn't know what to do, I blamed myself, I hated myself, I tried everything I could to atone for what I did, but nothing could atone for it, and I had no one to talk to him on my behalf, to stand up for me, to explain to him that I didn't do what I did because I wanted to hurt him" he paused and looked at me "I love Stefano, as a friend and ...." He trailed off, I nodded already knowing what he was talking about "but sometimes he can be stubborn and without knowing it, he kind of pushes people away when he does that, he did it 16 years ago with me, and it broke me, and he's doing it again with you, and if you care about him as much as I think you do, then it's breaking you too, so before I let him ruin a beautiful friendship because of something that isn't worth it, I have to at least try" he finished, causing me to sigh out.

My eyes raked through his body, before they landed on his eyes again, scarlet coloured orbs stared back at me, he looked calm, and his eyes.... I bit my lips because I felt warm inside, I didn't deserve his sympathy or help, but he was still offering, even after everything I've said and did to him, knowing he was showing a semblance of care towards me, it made him freaking attractive, more than he's ever been before

I know I shouldn't be thinking about this right now, but I felt the sudden urge to kiss him, to taste his lips, to wrap my hand around him, if not for anything, for the fact that he proved me wrong in so many ways, my eyes rested on his lips and I bit mine on instinct, taking a step closer to him.
I was mere inches away from him, I swallowed hard and moved my eyes from his lips, up to meet his own stare "I wanna kiss you" I blurted out without thinking it through, I watched his eyes move to my lips, and I was half expecting him to say no and walk away from me, but he did something even I wasn't expecting.