His Redemption (MxM)

Chapter 59

Luke

The last few days have been one hell of a time for me, I had tried to function properly but it would seem my body was working against me, everytime I closed my eyes, I could see the look in Hewitt's eyes that night at Spade's club, the words he had uttered to me, and the conviction in his eyes, I hadn't spoken or seen him since that night, although I've been hanging out with Stefano, but not regularly.

Most of times I prefer the solitude of my apartment, but Stefano doesn't take no for answer, he always managed to drag me out, and Spade too, but that's because they don't know what went down between Hewitt and I that night.

It's been approximately five days, and I'm still not myself, it's hard to forget what Hewitt said to me, they say words are like knives, they cut through to you very deep, they hurt more than action.

I actually believe that now, Hewitt's words hurt me more than the countless times he had hit me before, I would have preferred if he hit me, than the words he had said to me that night.
It didn't only break my heart, it shattered the little hope I had in my heart that maybe I can get him to like me.

I can't get Hewitt to like me, he won't, he doesn't and he never will, but deep down I still wish he could, I still hope he can, because I don't like how I'm feeling.
It's as if my heart is breaking, and at the same time it's being ripped apart.
With Stefano I wasn't heartbroken, maybe disappointed, but I wasn't heartbroken, but with Hewitt, I think this is what heartbreak feels like.

I remember when I just met him, I didn't think I'd ever feel this way for him, hell I never thought I'd go this long in Stefano's life, I remember we both couldn't stand each other, but in all honesty, I don't think I ever hated him, sure I may have disliked him after a few times that he had hit me, but I never hated him, but I also never in my wildest dreams thought that my coming to New York would lead me to this.

And now I'm stuck, I can't forget about him, I can't unlove him, I can't hate him, and I can't have him
I sighed out heavily and that's when I felt Stefano's eyes on me, I clenched my jaw, hoping he didn't say anything, he had successfully dragged me out of my hotel suite earlier today, like always, it took a lot of persuading to get me to agree to come with him, honestly, I just want to stay inside, huddled up on my couch and thinking about my bad luck and how unlucky in love I was.

I stopped the treadmill, wiping my face with the towel, and taking the water on the bench and drinking from it, Stefano's eyes watched my every move until I dropped the water back on the bench
"I'm not going to ask you what's going on with you" he started and I just looked at him, mentally thanking him for not asking, because I didn't know what I'd say to him, it's not as if I won't tell him what happened, but I don't think I could tell him without having a mental breakdown

He watched me for a while before he opened his mouth to say something, but the gym doors opening cut him short and drawing both our attention to the door, I turned around and who I came face to face with was the last person I expected to see, it knocked all the air out of me as I stared at him.

He held Stefano's gaze before his eyes found mine, and I felt everything inside me freeze up and tense up, his silver eyes piercing into my skin, it felt like when we just met all over again, but now he could actually know what I was thinking, and he knew it wasn't about anything else than him.
I couldn't look away from him, the more he held my gaze, the more my skin pricked and my whole body grew tense and rigid.

I hadn't seen him since the last time we fucked and I confessed to him again, and he told me blatantly that I would never mean anything to him, he still had that look in his eyes, like he was secretly telling me that whatever thoughts I had in mind about him, would never work.