His Redemption (MxM)

Chapter 22

Hewitt

If you ask me why I went over to Luke's place and that thing between us happened, I would tell you I was doing it for Stefano, because truly I was, but now I can't even tell anymore, because I don't know... I can't explain why I can't stop thinking about it, ever since that night, it's been on my mind, in a loop in my head.

And I'm telling you not in a way that I feel guilty, in a way that makes me.... It makes me excited, not entirely, not whole me, just a part of me.
Like someone that's never had sex before, and that wasn't even sex, it wasn't supposed to mean anything to me.

I keep trying to get it out of my head but the more I try, the more I can't even stop thinking about it, how it felt when I.... I clenched my jaw and let out a deep breath, I need to stop thinking about this
I shouldn't enjoy it, I mean I don't think I did, I just know it felt different from how I would usually feel during sex, so why can't I stop thinking about it, and why does a part of me want it to happen again.

Especially yesterday when I went to his hotel room, trust me I was pissed of when Stefano told me he was at the hospital and he had forgiven him, I wanted to go there and rip his head off his shoulders because he didn't deserve Stefano's forgiveness, but when I got there and he came in, my brain froze, my mind was disorganized, I couldn't think straight, looking at his face, his body, I was reminded of what happened that night, and I swear I didn't mean to get excited but my body was working against me, everything was working against me, and then I had to go and touch him, that was it for me, and when his hand brushed up against my hard on, I was so close to losing my mind and giving in to the urge of bending him over and having my way with him, and that's not me, I'm not that person, I'm not wild like that and I always have control over my sexual urges, but this is more than that, it's a first for me, and I hate that it's happening because of him

"Hewitt"? Stefano's voice broke my stupid thoughts as I looked at him, he was looking at me strangely "are you okay"? He asked and I just sighed out and nodded my head

"Yeah, I'm uh .. I'm fine just ... thinking" I whispered out and he just narrowed his eyes at me

"Thinking huh? You must be really immersed in it, that you didn't notice Matteo had left" he stated, causing me to look around, he's right, Matteo's not here

I ran my hand down my face "what are you thinking about"? He asked and I just shook my head

"Nothing"

"Are you sure it's nothing, you look really bothered" he stated and I just clenched my jaw, of course it's not nothing, but I can't tell him what I'm thinking about, especially since it involves Luke and what happened between us, I was going off track "you're doing it again" he stated and I looked at him, he raised a brow at me

"What"? I mumbled out

"You're doing it again, you have that lost look in your eyes, like something's really bothering you" he stated, I swallowed hard and looked away from him "is this about Luke"? He asked and my head whipped towards him, my eyes meeting his.

Does he know, I know that bastard wouldn't keep his mouth shut "what? What... What about him"? I asked stuttering, way to be subtle about it, my subconscious rolled his eyes at me

"Are you still mad at the fact that I forgave him"? He asked and I mentally relaxed, okay he doesn't know about that, he's talking about something entirely different "you know...." I cut him off shaking my head

"I'm not mad you forgave him, and he's not even that important that I'm going to spend my free time thinking about him, please I have other important things I'm thinking about and not that .... Douche" I flipped him off and he gave me a skeptical look, as if he didn't believe me
And even I know I'm lying, of course I'm thinking about him, not him, just what we did, that's what I'm thinking about