Silent Phrase (Farwell Horizon University)

Chapter 38

Fuchsia Rainell Quivedo

"Mommy, I remember something." I was awakened by shock. Nanginginig ang mga kalamnan ko.

"Dad..." He's here. Alam kong labag sa kalooban niyang pumunta dito. My parents are here.

They need to know.

"I did something horrible, Mom. Hindi ko po sinasadya." Mula sa sofa ay agad itong tumayo.

I feel numb.

"Hush now, baby. You're just hallucinating, don't force yourself." Pagpapakalma niya sa'kin ngunit kahit anong subok nito ay tila wala nang talab dahil labis na konsensya ang bumabalot sa akin.

"It happened, Mom. Hindi ako nagbibiro, it was clear. I did it."

"What is it? What did you remember? Speak up, don't leave anything behind." He said with his full voice. Matiyaga siyang nakatayo sa pinto. Base on what I've notice, nasa ospital ako.

Huminga ako nang malalim habang inaalala ang mga pangyayaring hindi ko aakalaing nangyari sa buong buhay ko. It happened.

Bakit ngayon ko lang...

"Mom, Dad, I... I killed someone." I honestly admitted. Muli na namang umagos ang mga luha sa mata ko.

"What?"

"I killed a man. His name's Oliver." My voice is like a whisper. I can't even utter the name.

"Now, you remember?" Nakatitig sa sahig ang mga mata ni Dad pero ang boses niya ay hindi mo mahihimigan ng kahit ano. It's just plain blank.

"What are you talking about?" My mom asked.

Even me, naguguluhan. I don't remember doing it but the guilt is here, parang nangyari nga. Bakit bigla na lang itong lumalabas sa memorya ko? So all this time, it was not just a mere dream?

"Is that all? Wala ka nang ibang naalala?"

"Ano bang nangyayari sa inyong dalawa? Sabihin mo nga, may kailangan ba akong malaman, Roniell?"

"You shouldn't have remembered it." Walang buhay ang itsura niya bago lumapit sa pwesto namin.

"What's going on? Ano bang sinasabi niyo? Is this true?" Naguguluhang sambit ni Mi. "Rain, baby, is this for real?"

"Hindi ko po sinasadya, Mi. Maniwala po kayo." Umiiling na bigkas ko. Patuloy lamang ako sa pagluha. Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa mga kamay niya.

Kahit dati pa, matagal na akong binabangungot ng ganitong panaginip. Hanggang sa nasanay na lang ako. My parents knew it. Sinabihan ako ng ama ko na pumunta sa clinic na pinagkakatiwalaan ng pamilya namin. I took medication for years, wala raw siyang anak na baliw. And so I followed his command. Alam kong panaginip lang naman iyon.

This year lang ako huminto sa pag-inom ng gamot. My friends suggested to face it fully. Baka raw kasi sobra sobra na ang paggamit ko which is true. I have insomnia, kapag hindi ako makatulog ay umiinom ako nun upang pakalmahin ang sarili dahil takot akong matulog sa gabi. Those dreams, mas nagiging totoo siya lately.

Lalo na nang ma-enroll ako sa FHU.

"Take this. Inumin mo iyan, it's good for your health sabi ng doktor."

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I did it. I'm not hallucinating, maniwala po kayo."

"Shut up! Just take this." Why doesn't he seem to believe me?

"Teka nga, where did you get that? As far as I remember, the doctor didn't give any capsule like that. She didn't even need that. I was here the whole time. Why are you giving that to her, Roniell? Para saan?" He glared at my mother. Nakalahad pa rin ang kamay niya.