What's this sense of urgency???
I don't have anything planned and no events or anything is happening around me that I know of.
Seriously. Sometimes I get this urgency that I don't have enough time.
It causes me to lose sleep and then I become sleep deprived.
But I don't even do anything or have anything to do. I just do the same thing everyday for the past 6 years.
I feel like time is running out or something and have an urge to prepare.
I have to admit. One of my bad habits is being paranoid.
No matter what or where I go, as long as I have to take a single step out of my comfort zone, I have to prepare.
Do you know how I went shopping on weekend when I was younger?
I brought a fully packed backpack every time...
EVERY SINGLE TIME.
My backpack had:
- 1 set of spare clothes and underwear
(This is for any accidents I might encounter no matter how rare the percentage is. I worry someone will spill their drink on me. I'm that paranoid by it even though it has never happened to me before. I always imagine a baby or naughty child will do it and I can't stand the thought of being in wet sticky clothes until I reach home. Even though I can just stop by a store and buy completely new clothes. My comfort level that was already low from going out will just plummet and my mood will just be a disaster. Honestly I would just quit for the day and never go out again for a long time.)
- A stack of band-aids. Small and big.
(Hey. They might not help much in an emergency but it's better to have them if I get a paper cut or a small wound. At least I won't keep accidentally touching it and get stings.)
- Keys
(This one is obvious but I mainly keep a whole set of keys to use as a defense weapon. Outrageous, right? But I'm for real. One key per gap between my fingers. Grip in tight. Then stab! With the jagged sharp end. Doesn't work as good as a knife. But my goal isn't to bleed people. It's to inflict as much pain as possible with my weak strength to give time and opportunity to escape.)
- Q-tips
(Better to have it than not. I know the whole health thing about you shouldn't do it. Heck. My school even once taught us not to but it's part of my routine and it's too late to change my habit. But I did stop doing it often after I knew about it. Anyways it's for my ears.)
- Nail clippers
(People who have long nails understand. It's a disaster if your nails break. I feel so uncomfortable if the edges are like they've been chewed by a dog. I can't understand people who bite their nails. Luckily I've never met or seen one near me but I've heard and seen it on YouTube.)
- Snacks
(Yeah... I know I can buy it as I go when I'm out but I'm not the one driving and I don't often ask about people's business. I know where we'll go shopping but I don't know if we might stop by a bank or go pay bills or someone has an appointment to do paperwork or go visit a friend. Anyways since I can't decide, then I'm prepared for any moment they talk too much or I get bored and hungry and just want to leave but can't leave.)
- Drinks
(There's snacks so there much be drinks. The main drink is cold fresh out of the fridge. This is the one I keep by my side and in a cup holder to drink immediately. Then there's the extra room temperature one in the backpack for when I finish my main drink too fast and I'm thirsty. Or I'm too greedy and don't want to share my drink so I gave them my extra one. Anyways my main drink will always be my favorite. The extra is often just plain water.)
YOU ARE READING
Diary
RandomI want to write out my thoughts as honestly as possible and try not to lie like I always do. Maybe by being anonymous will make me stop being a liar. I think it's a bit late to say this after publishing for about a month but I should put a warning. ...
