How do people know they are friends without saying it?
Like a natural click or fondness?
As an anti-social and someone who has a very hard time finding common ground with my peers, I feel like it's very hard to tell who is a friend.
The only people I call friends were people I went to talk to everyday and search for when in a crowd.
They are also people I feel anxious and lonely when most of them don't go to school that day. Because then I have no one to be with to listen to or talk to.
They are also people I'm willing to make plans and go out to watch movies and shop.
But then there are some that I do talk to not as often. I think of them as acquaintances that you just greet on passing.
But there are also people that by body instinctively repulse and make me uncomfortable even though we have met and talk a lot.
Repulse is not like disgust or anything. I just feel awkward or resistant to get closer or talk more.
I really hate talking.
Or more accurately, verbally speaking.
But I'm fine writing and passing notes or texting.
Even phone calls make my nerves tense up.
That's why I never pick up calls.
Don't mention an unknown number. Even people in my contacts don't get the honor of making me accept their phone call.
Unless it is very urgent, I would not answer and just text them to ask what they need.
Keep in mind, I no longer keep in touch with any friends anymore.
So in my contacts are my mom, my sister, my biological father, and my grandpa.
The other two is just the phone number to order food I often order.
There's no one else.
Look sad but to me it is satisfying. It looks neat and tidy.
YOU ARE READING
Diary
CasualeI want to write out my thoughts as honestly as possible and try not to lie like I always do. Maybe by being anonymous will make me stop being a liar. I think it's a bit late to say this after publishing for about a month but I should put a warning. ...
