IKIGAI Series #1: Estranghero

34

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It was 6:43 in the morning. The condo smelled like freshly steamed rice and coffee. The morning sun was peeking through the floor-to-ceiling windows, casting a golden glow across the marble tiles. Everything felt still and calm as if its almost unreal. As if the world knew today was something different.

I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the collar of my white dress shirt, while the soft rustle of silk behind me signaled that my mom had entered the room.

"Elio," she said, her voice warm, full of emotion. "Turn around, anak. Let me fix your collar."

I turned slowly.

There she was and saw her being elegant as ever. She was wearing a long emerald green dress with subtle golden accents, her hair up in a loose bun, her makeup soft but flawless. She looked like she came straight out of a lifestyle magazine. But more than that, she looked happy.

And I hadn't seen her this light in a long time.

She straightened my collar gently, her fingers smoothing the folds like she'd done it a hundred times before. Then, she looked at me and smiled.

"You look so handsome," she said.

"Thanks, Mom," I whispered. Her eyes trailed down to the green silk toga folded neatly on the couch.

"That color suits you," she said. "Green means growth, you know."

I chuckled. "Ironic. Kasi ang feeling ko... hindi pa rin ako fully okay."

"You're not supposed to be," she said gently. "Healing doesn't have a deadline. But surviving? Growing? Look at you. Salutatorian."

I stared at her, speechless for a second.

"Ma..." I said, my voice suddenly tight.

"Yes?"

"Thank you," I managed. "For... everything. For never giving up on me even when I gave up on myself."

She reached out and touched my cheek.

"Elio," she said, voice softening even more. "You don't have to thank me for loving you. That's a given."

"I'm finally going to college," I said, as if the words only just sank in. Hindi ako makapaniwala na sobrang bilis ng panahon. Parang kailan lang when I was just a kid happily playing outside together with my friends, umiiyak kay mommy kapag may umaway sa akin or I will be upset but now, all of it just felt nostalgic na pwede ko ng balikan hanggang kailan ko gusto.

"Yes," she replied. "I finally have a college student for a son. My son."

She held my face for a moment longer, like she was taking a mental picture of this moment. Then she let go, stepped back, and clapped her hands once.

"Now," she said, smiling brightly. "Let's get that toga on."

A few minutes later, I stood in front of the full-length mirror.

I was officially in my graduation attire.

A white inner dress shirt and black slacks, topped with a flowing silk green toga. A sash with the school's emblem embroidered on one side and the word about our strand name stitched on the other.

My hair was slightly curled at the ends, my skin glowing from the light skincare routine my mom insisted I follow the night before.

I felt like someone else. Or maybe... I felt more like myself than I ever had before.

My mom took a picture of me-several, actually. She asked me to smile na sinunod ko naman. She asked me to look away. I did again. She asked for a serious shot, and I did that too. I also did some mirror shots and posted some of it sa IG ko and X account ko.