[VOTE, COMMENT, FOLLOW]
"I love you, Elio." Mabilis naman akong napalingon sa kaniya at napalunok. Malamyos lamang itong nakatitig sa akin. He sighed and smiled afterwards.
"We love you and we really meant it. You know, minsan lang ako magsalita but I can assure you that you can count on me if dadating ang panahon na lugmok kana." He gently said and then patted my shoulder. I let a deep sighed at sinubukang ngumiti. They really warmed my heart at this point.
Seeing them treating me like this felt luck to have them both especially when it fucking really hurts so good right now.
Afterwards ay nagbihis ako at naligo na rin. Impit pa akong umiyak habang nag-sho-shower sa loob para lang hindi marinig ng dalawa.
Nakaupo kaming tatlo sa kama ko. Ako sa gitna, nakasandal sa headboard, suot ang maluwag kong gray na hoodie at pajama shorts. Si Joshua, nasa kanan ko, tahimik lang habang sinisilip ang phone niya. Si Ivelle naman ay nasa kaliwa, hawak-hawak ang mug ng gatas na nilagyan niya pa ng maliit na marshmallows. Pero alam kong ginagawa niya lang ‘yon para gumaan ang mood.
Humigop ako mula sa mug ko. Mainit pa rin ‘yung gatas, kahit nilalamig ako sa loob.
Tumingin ako sa kanila then back to my mug.
Tumahimik muna ako. Then, finally, I asked, not out of anger, but with the kind of gentleness that only comes after a breakdown.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Pareho silang napatigil.
Hindi ako galit. Wala sa tono ko ang hinanakit. Pero alam kong ramdam nila ang bigat ng tanong. Ramdam nila ‘yung lungkot at pagkalito. That's what I am implying para sa hindi sila tuluyang matakot na sabihin sa akin ang totoo.
Nagkatinginan silang dalawa, bago si Ivelle ang unang nagsalita.
“Elio…” she began, her voice soft and steady. “We wanted to. A million times.”
I looked at her and patiently waiting sa susunod niyang sasabihin.
“But we didn’t know how,” she continued. “And more than that… we didn’t know if we should.”
“Why?” tanong ko, pilit na tinatawid ang boses ko sa pagitan ng bigat sa lalamunan ko.
Joshua set his mug down. “Because it wasn’t our truth to tell.”
Napalunok ako.
“You deserved honesty, Elio. You always do,” dagdag pa niya. “But we weren’t sure if telling you something Kiernan himself wasn’t ready to explain would help—or just… make everything worse.”
“Pero ang sakit, guys,” bulong ko, pilit kong pinigil ang luha pero naramdaman kong namumuo na naman ito. “Ang sakit kasi hindi ko alam kung saan ako lulugar. Parang ako na lang lagi ‘yung huling nakakaalam.”
“I know,” sabi ni Joshua. “And I’m sorry.”
Ivelle moved closer and placed her hand on my knee. “We didn’t want you to feel alone. We just didn’t want to make you feel betrayed by the person you loved the most.”
“But I did feel betrayed,” I whispered. “By him. And then by you. And maybe even by myself. Kasi I kept convincing myself that I was enough. That he loved me. That nothing was wrong.”
Joshua sighed and gently leaned his shoulder against mine. “Love is complicated, Elio. And sometimes, the more someone loves you, the more scared they are of hurting you… or being seen for the mess they really are.”
“Pero bakit kailangan pa niya akong saktan para lang maprotektahan ako?” napalakas ang boses ko, pero hindi pasigaw—mas parang pumutok lang sa gitna ng pagkalito.
BINABASA MO ANG
IKIGAI Series #1: Estranghero
Romansa[1st Series under IKIGAI] Elio Maze Inoue is a bubbly and optimistic, with an infectious energy that draws people to him. He also have that bright, expressive eyes that sparkle with enthusiasm. While in a physical manner, he has this curly or wavy h...
