[3] how did we end up here ;; nh

46 » Right Now

24 October 2023
2.39 AM

I let Avril sleep in my room. Ever since that stupid pact we make — my fault, entirely — I can't sleep in the same bed with her anymore. She says we're not anything. Not lovers. We're just friends.

Well, I know her for so well that she's still in love with me. I can tell, I am so damn certain.

And because of that, I'm now sleeping at Harry's.

"You're fucking insane, man. That's toxic as hell. And you never bloody told me those shits happened?" Harry shakes his head, disbelief written all over his face. He takes a long swig of his Guinness, like he needs something bitter to match the story I just spill.

I stay quiet. My throat feels tight. I think about Anne — how she used to hit me when we argue, how loud the slaps sound in the silence between us. What happens yesterday stirs it all up again. That panic. That numbness. That feeling like I'm thirteen and invisible. "Yeah, not gonna lie... it fucks me up," I say. My head drops slightly. I take another drink from the cold bottle in my hand.

Harry moves from the single-seater next to me and joins me on the worn-out two-seater couch. He throws his legs onto the coffee table, sighs, then glances at me. "Jesus mate, that was rough," he says, patting my shoulder gently. His voice drops lower. "You don't deserve that."

I force a laugh. It comes out sharp, a little bitter. "Well. That's life, right?" I shrug like it doesn't sting. "At least I'm gonna marry Avril now."

"No," he says, looking straight at me. "At least you're sleeping with me now."

I turn to him, squinting. "That sounds kinda gay. No offense."

He smacks the back of my head, not too hard. "That's offensive."

I laugh as I look at Harry. For all the chaos in my life, I'm lucky to have him. Someone who sticks around, someone who gets it without needing much explanation. I've always been rubbish at talking about my feelings — especially the heavy stuff. I never quite know how to put it into words. I just... don't like it when people can tell I'm falling apart.

"I know what you're trying to do," he says suddenly.

"What?"

"You're trying to set me up with Louis."

I burst into laughter. "And how's that going for you?"

Harry frowns, his face all scrunched up like he's thinking harder than he wants to admit. "I don't know... it feels strange," he mutters. "Like... you know, something inside's gone a bit... off. Honestly... weird."

"That doesn't explain anything."

He lets out a breath. "Somehow, I know I still love him."

I laugh loud and clear, almost throwing my head back. "As expected, ya eejit!"

"Yeah, but I don't know," Harry says, rubbing the back of his neck. "We haven't talked about it. Besides, I'm also talking to this girl, Taylor Russell."

"The one from Netflix?"

"Yeah."

"Is she, like... your age?"

"Bloody hell, Niall. Is that even a question?"

"Just asking."

"Well, yeah. She is."

"Good, then. How's she?"

"She's fine," Harry says with a small shrug. "Fun, I'd say. We got introduced through a mate when we were doing the American leg."