Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Just Open Your Eyes

1994

A cloud of smoke filled the room as I sat on the couch with my band, with my best friends.

"So..." Sean laughed a bit. "What do we do with this thing?"

The four of us laughed as we observed a 15 month old little girl named Lily, standing quietly before us. Day one of the strangest custody decision, and a mini Kurt Cobain with memorizing blue eyes with brown hair was suddenly part of my life.

Our bursts and roars of laughter only got louder. Lily's grip of the edge of her sweater got tighter. Her fingers moved around, searching for something to hold. Her incredibly blue eyes searched for something, I wasn't sure what at the moment. I finally figured it out at the second tears formed.

"Oh no," I said, pausing. "She's been here for like five minutes. See I knew this was a bad idea."

Lily took a step back from our direction.

"Don't listen to Sean...he's an asshole," I said.

"Already father of the year," Jerry laughed and mocked.

I shook my head. "What? This kid's probably seen everything, which is why I don't understand any of this...why isn't she with Courtney?"

"She had to go on tour..."

"Millions of dollars...Kurt didn't need to put anyone on the will, especially me. What, did he look at a list and pick the least able person to take care of his kid. They had a nanny before anyway...where'd that guy go?"

"Maybe he knew about Kurt's affair? Maybe she killed him too," Jerry said.

"Jer," I said, "Ya gotta be careful about that."

"Courtney gives me the creeps...that's all I'm sayin'."

As we talked, we forgot for a bit that Lily still stood there crying, so quiet, so similar to her father. We all looked at her again. I patted the space on the couch beside me.

"Come here," I waved. "You wanna sit down?"

To all of our surprise, Lily came over, climbed up, and sat next to me, a bit closer than I expected. She got close enough until she joined me at the hip.

"It's good that you're so quiet," I smiled for the first time since I took her home. "Cuz I have no clue what I'm doin'. Go easy on me."

Later that night, the guys were still at my place. We continued to look down at her as she lay on a towel on the bathroom counter. As soon as I took her diaper off, the guys completely abandoned me.

"Oh come on," I yelled. "Guys that's not cool. I don't know how to do this!"

I sighed after I figured that they weren't coming back. I shrugged.

"Guess it's just you and me...please don't shit on me."

Lifting her shirt up all the way so it wouldn't get dirty, I noticed many new things about her.

"Wow," I whispered, tracing my fingers along the definition of her ribs and bones. They were especially pronounced when she breathed in. "You're a skinny little thing, aren't cha?"

Lily grabbed my hand with both of hers. Mine looked so much bigger. When she did this, I noticed something I wasn't able to see before. She had marks creeping out and around her hips. It looked so painful, red, and irritated so I pulled the diaper away from her skin to let it breathe.

"Ow," she moaned softly as the fabric of the diaper must've brushed up against her skin.

"Oh no," I pouted. "Your first word to me was 'ow.'"