Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Twists and Turns

Bruno came bursting into the studio with a beautiful woman. He introduced us; her name was Jessica. She was a model. He'd been telling me about her for a couple of weeks.

He was so animated.

"Wow," I said as we hugged. "You're excited. I'm guessing the first European leg went well."

"Yeah, it was really great. But actually what I'm really excited about is this new song I did with Phil and Ari for the new Twilight movie. It's called 'It Will Rain.' I had their studio send it to you. Phil and Ari are coming soon to hear it. They haven't heard the finished version yet."

I gave him a disgusted face.

"I know, I know. It's Twilight. But the song we wrote is really good."

"Hopefully nothing about sparkling vampires," I said.

"Haha, no, 'course not. It's really versatile so it can apply to many situations."

Phil and Ari came in with beer and food. We greeted each other. I opened the file that just arrived on the computer. Bruno was so excited to hear it; I didn't waste a second to hit play.

His excitement changed quickly to shear disappointment. He looked at my expression, which was identical to his.

"What?" Phil asked. "It's really good, man. You sound good. You should be happy about it."

"I sound like a dying mosquito. This is not how it sounded when we recorded it," he said, getting up off the couch, putting both hands in his curly hair. "Ugh, this is SUCH bullshit."

"Baby," Jess said. "You sound amazing."

"No I don't. It's probably because it's for the movie. The music directors probably had their hands all over it. They fucking RUINED it."

Bruno turned toward me. "What do you think?"

"I mean, it's shitty production work...compression's all off...but..."

By the looks of everyone in the room, it wasn't a popular opinion. Jessica gave me the nastiest look.

"Well you're touring a little with it and doing it on TV so when you perform you just need to make sure it sounds good, which obviously it will," I said, trying to redeem myself. I didn't mean to come off as bitchy. I was just being honest.

Bruno just smiled. Phil and Ari left. Jessica was waiting in hallway outside the studio.

"Thanks Lily," he said, poking his head back in through the doorway. "Thanks for not blowing smoke up my ass."

"You're welcome," I said, laughing a little.

_________________________________________________________________________

In September it was time to shoot the video for "It Will Rain." I can't believe those morons not only screwed up my song but also put it in the credits of the movie. All that hard work for a place in the movie where no one's gonna hear it.

I opened the doors to Patriot Records to see Lily.

"Damn you just keep on coming back," she said dramatically.

I sat down beside her at the mixing boards and computer. "Well," I said, dramatically. "I'm actually here for a reason."

"Oh yeah," she said, taking a sip of coffee. "Now what would that be?"

"Ya know how I flipped out about "It Will Rain."

She smiled. I interrupted her as she was about to say something.

"I know," I laughed. "I know. I probably overreacted."

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "Oh for God sake Bruno, what's the question?"

"I wanted to ask if you would mix and engineer my next album."

There was a brief silence. Her eyes widened. I wasn't sure what that meant. She ended up having a really killer year. Ryan gave her even more of Patriot Records because he became too busy with other projects and One Republic.

"Listen," I said, grabbing her shoulder. "I know you're really busy but I'd really, really like to work with you."

"I mean, I want to," she said "but what about Ari?"

"He's got plenty of projects he's working on. I asked him and he said it's okay."

She hesitated for a while. "Alright, then. I'll do it. No mosquito voice for the whole album."

That made me smile and laugh a little and then a lot. I couldn't wait to start the album and work with her.

"Yes! Hopefully I never sound like that again."

Lily came to Levcon studios before we went on our European tour for the second leg. Levcon was the studio where Ari, Phil and I worked. It was where everything started for me. We were busy rehearsing. She came in with a box.

She walked into the room and handed me the box. My band was in there with me.

"What did you do?" I asked grinning suspiciously.

"Early birthday present!" She said excitedly.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

I knew she didn't have a lot of money. I saw some of her medical bills once and they were absolutely insane. I offered to help her pay some of them but she refused; I wasn't sure if that frustrated me or impressed me.

I opened the box and saw the word Snuggie on the plastic covering. I looked at her excited and confused at the same time.

"Open it up."

I took it out of the plastic and held it up against my chest. A bunch of the guys started laughing. I turned it around so I could read it.

It was a leopard print Snuggie with Phil's face on it with an arrow pointing down to the crotch area. There was a bubble that said "Oh my god, THIS IS GREAT!" It was my favorite line from "The Lazy Song." Even though I hated the song, the Snuggie itself was hilarious.

"Oh man," Phil said, cracking up and clapping.

"Well this is fucking great!" I said loudly, putting it on and hugging her. "Thank you!"

"I'm glad you like it!"

"I want one," Phil said struggling to get the words out, still laughing.

"No this is my present!" I shouted, wrapping myself in it more. "I'm definitely wearing this on my birthday, like ON STAGE!"

"Are you two like, besties now or something?" Phil asked.

"Hey, don't worry," Lily said, patting Phil's shoulder. "I'll never break up Phruno."

The guys started cracking up again.

"Or," she said. "Bill...but I think Phruno has a ring to it."

Even though I was excited to see Europe again, I was even more excited to write and record again. 2012 was going to be a great year.