Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

The Sweet Escape

Eventually, I only had Lily for a couple weeks at a time. Toward the end of 2001, I was seeing her less and less often. I always made sure I saw her during her birthday and the holidays. By March of 2002, I was in terrible shape. I was losing fingertips, hair, and teeth. I was deteriorating to nothing. I wanted to die because I just couldn't take it anymore. I started giving her to Jerry at my own will, as much as it killed me. Demons were spewing out of me and if I didn't distance myself from Lily, they'd get her too. I had nightmares of Lily trying the needles out of curiosity, or even just stepping on one of them since I'd stopped cleaning up after myself.

The phone rang at the end of March, late at night.

"Hello?"

"Dad..." her voice trailed off.

"Lily it's late. Why are you calling me?"

She let out a trembling cry.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I need you... I need you to come get me," she cried.

"Lil, I'm not allowed to. You know that. I'll see you in a couple of days. You should go to bed, alright?"

"No...Dad I need you. Please?"

"Honey what's going on? Did something happen?"

There was definitely something wrong, but I couldn't do anything. Courtney had all of us wrapped around her devilish finger. Lily wasn't responding at first.

"Lil? Lily?"

"What?" she sobbed.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Sweet dreams, baby girl."

The phone call cut off. She probably hated me but I couldn't explain to her why I couldn't pick her up and why she had to keep going back to Courtney despite how many times she got hurt.

Jerry hated me too, for everything. I ruined the band we started when we were kids starting out, the band that could've been so much more. I ruined friendships that I had for years. I didn't see any of the Alice in Chains guys. My mom was seeing Jerry more than I was.

I took her for a weekend every so often. My days were numbered and I didn't want one her to be there when it would finally happen.

Lily had a lot of flare ups with her stomach but I couldn't see her. I couldn't be seen outside to go to the hospital and see her. The media was talking about me and how my music career was over and ruined. I was just another junkie musician who gave up on his life and couldn't do any good anymore.

I watched her for a few moments playing on the Gameboy I had gotten her for Christmas. She loved that thing and played it all the time. The smile on her face was what kept me going. My mom showed up at the front door.

"Sweetie, Grandma's here to pick you up."

She pouted and turned off the game. My mom stood in the kitchen with Lily's bag. I took Lily into her room for a second.

"Honey it's going to be a couple of weeks until I can see you again, okay?"

Her eyes started to water. I sat down next to her and pulled her head into my chest.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I'm really...really sorry."

"I just...I just want us...to be a family."

"We are a family." 

Lily shook her head, as she'd done way too often. 

"You...and me..." I said, pointing to her and then to me. "We may be small, but we love each other. We're a family. Understand?"