Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Smooth Criminal

Courtney had called me, telling me that she was on her way. The countdown was here. I peeked my head into the living room and her head jolted up when she saw me. It was clear that she'd been crying, but she'd taken care of the tears already.

"Hi Daddy," she said with one of the prettiest smiles in the world.

"Hey sweetheart. You're leaving in about a half-hour, okay?"

"Okay," she said weakly, close to crying again.

"Do you want something to eat before you go?"

"No thank you," Lily said, putting her head down.

There she was in impending pain, and she was the most polite little girl you could ever meet. I knelt in front of her as she sat on the couch.

"Do you need anything?" I asked.

"No."

"Just one week, baby girl...okay? It's not going to be as long as it always is...and then you'll be four years old."

Lily smiled, holding up four fingers.

"That's right," I smiled, taking her hands in mine. "And then it'll be Christmas and you'll be here with me for two whole weeks. I know it's hard, but you can do it. I know you can."

One step at a time. That's all I could think about. Lily's strength diminished, and I didn't know how I could help her; I didn't know what words to say.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

Lily's tears streamed steadily down her face as she looked at the clock.

I tilted her head back to me.

"Nothing..."

"Do you wanna go somewhere on a trip...or maybe new Nintendo games?"

"No..."

"Baby girl, come on...I'm getting you something."

Lily was too afraid to be excited. She didn't care about her birthday. She didn't care about getting new things.

"Lily...please...tell me..."

Before we knew it, Courtney was beeping outside. Lily got off the couch, ignoring my presence completely. Her lips quivered and pouted as she grabbed her suitcase. She struggled with it. Courtney continued to keep like the mad women she was.

"Sweetheart..." I said, following close behind her. I wanted to take her out the back door and drive with her far, far away.

Courtney beeped another long-lasting time, causing Lily to shake and drop her suitcase. She wiped her eyes quickly before picking it up again. My heart broke.

"How about we see Michael Jackson in concert? He's coming to Hawaii around your birthday. We'll fly over there and see him. Then, we'll stay there for the whole two weeks at the beach."

"That's a big present, Daddy," her eyes widened big.

"I know," I winked. "You deserve a big present."

Very weakly, Lily smiled. She gave me a big hug. A little girl so small gave the strongest hugs. A four year old filled my heart with so much love.

I carried her bag outside to Courtney's car as Lily got into it. Courtney and I exchanged fake conversation.

"Alright," I said, looking into the backseat at my little girl. "I'll see ya in a week."

I waved at her and she smiled and waved back.

"Buh-bye," she said.

"Bye Lily."

A week later, I heard the cutest, loudest, sweetest gasp emerge from the front door. I set down my drink on the counter and rushed to the front door.

"Is that who I think it is?"

"Daddy!"

"Princess!" I yelled, kneeling on the floor.

Lily had extra bruises, just about everywhere. The ones that concerned me the most were the ones on her face and near her eyes. Cupping my hands under her chin as she held onto me tight, I didn't know what to say.

Lily handed me a picture she'd drawn of the two of us.

"Wow!"

"It's you and me...for when...of you and me..." she stuttered.

It happened so often right after she visited Courtney. I gently placed my hand on her back, hoping it would help. Her stutter was especially bad this time. Her panic attacks had been getting worse and worse.

"We're at the beach...when when...for when we we go to the...it's you and me for when we...we go...to the...to the...the...the beach and the concert...and and see...and see Michael Jackson."

"I can see that," I said, hugging her again. "It's beautiful."

Pulling her away, I took a few seconds to look at her face again.

The next day, we had a little party for Lily on her birthday. The guys took turns giving her birthday presents. She hugged each of them after receiving them. I was the last one to go. She hugged me, even before taking it. She smiled with tears in her eyes.

"Go ahead," I said softly. "Open it."

"I already know what it is, Daddy."

"You don't know all of it." I winked.

Her eyes sparkled and welled up as she opened the box. I left my hand around the small of her back because she started shaking. She froze after a while, so I pulled out the t-shirt first and showed it to her. Lily didn't say a word. She didn't move a muscle. 

"You can wear it at the concert."

I held her shirt as she began to rummage through the box, finding a crown and a necklace. Finally, I handed her a card that had two tickets inside. Inside the card, was a picture of the two of us. Lily was temporarily stunned. 

"Are you excited?" I asked. "Are you...okay?"

Lily nodded her head, and began to cry. Smiling, Lily gave me one of the tickets.

"Daddy?" she giggled and cried at the same time. "Will you go to the concert with me?"

"I would love to," I grinned, letting her maul and hug me again. " I love you."

Later that night, Lily and I had more birthday cake at midnight. The way I took care of Lily and certain things like late night feasting might seem like bad parenting. I don't care what it seems like. You've never taken care of a sick child who was also being abused. Don't judge me for wanting to bond with my daughter. There were so little times when I felt like I had a handle on everything, when Lily smiled and when she laughed genuinely. 

"Daddy I'm SO excited for the concert!" Lily said, eating her cake slowly.

"I am too," I smiled. I was excited to see her face more than the concert itself.

When I sat before my giggling, especially talkative baby girl, you bet I was going to milk that all up before I'd have to say goodbye to her. I wanted nothing but to give her the best years I could. Despite what the doctors said and what I shouldn't have done, Lily and I enjoyed beautiful white sand and clear water on her birthday. Seeing her expression was better than the concert itself. 

Lily would live more of her life without me than with me, so it was important that I show her that I did the very best I could. I bought the nicest video camera I could find, and I recorded and captured every possible moment. She enjoyed two full weeks without a single panic attack, which was the best part of the trip.