Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Diamonds Falling Down

I was supposed to be getting the TV ready for a Family Guy marathon. Bruno was getting food ready. I was so happy that being in a romantic relationship didn't change a lot between us.

I turned off the fireplace and sat near the armrest, my body writhing in pain. Dr. Chase put me on a new set of pills. The hospital dug deeper and deeper for new treatments for me. None of them were working. I sat on the couch, with my knees to my chest.

Bruno stopped in between the kitchen and the living room. His footsteps went soft when he made it to the carpet. He didn't even have to ask me if I was okay at this point. Bruno sat down on the left side of me after setting the snacks down on the coffee table. He tried to calm me down by rubbing my back but it wasn't working.

Bruno wrapped his arm around me but I was moving a lot. "Hey, hey. Take it easy, Lil."

"I can't take it easy, Bru. It fucking hurts," I cried.

He brought me into his chest anyway, even though I couldn't control myself. I couldn't stop shaking. The pain was too much.

"Listen to me," I heard behind my panting. He took my hand. "Close your eyes."

"Bruno," my voice faded. Closing my eyes wasn't going to do anything.

"Close your eyes," he whispered.

I closed my eyes. It still hurt like hell.

"Just breathe, baby. Just breathe."

I cringed at the burning and cramping in my stomach. I tried to breathe slower but the more I realized I couldn't just made me want to die. I pulled myself away from him and got up.

"Where ya goin'?"

"Oh just give up, Bruno. Just leave me alone," I snapped, feeling so weak; I was surprised I made it to the stairs, let alone up to the bedroom.

I knew eventually he was going to be at the bedroom door, figuring out what to say. I was right.

I laid on my side in the fetal position with my fingers digging into the sheets. The mattress sunk in and a warm arm wrapped around my waist.

"I can't always make you feel better," Bruno said, "but I promise that I'll never, ever give up on you."

_______________________________________________

After that night, I was determined even more to never let it happen again. I was so fuckin' worried. I left without telling her the next morning. I had to, otherwise she'd resist. I pulled into the hospital parking lot. Reception recognized me and there were a few of my fans in the waiting room. I hoped my presence wouldn't make it onto the Internet.

The shit on Twitter was still happening. I shouldn't have read it as much as I did. I knew what the truth was, but they were attacking my girl and it hurt. I wanted them all to see Lily the way I saw her.

Dr. Chase came out to see what all the commotion was about.

"Bruno, you guys don't have an appointment today, do you?"

"No. Can I talk to you privately though?"

He pulled me into a little area of the hallway. He must've been confused as to why I was there by myself.

"What can I do for you, Bruno?"

"Lily had a really bad night and this last set of pills isn't working for her."

"Listen we really should really be talking about this with Lily here."

"I know you guys must have a better plan than just shoving pills down her throat. What's the next step? Huh? We've been here for a few weeks and I've never seen her in more pain...ever," I said, holding my tears back. "You need to do something. It's getting worse."

"Bruno," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder, "I know she's hurting. I've been watching it for almost 20 years."

"Well then why don't you want to help her?"

Dr. Chase let out a big sigh and scratched his head nervously. "I do Bruno, but she doesn't want to help herself."

"Of course she does. You didn't see her last night. There's no way she actually wants to go through that shit."

Dr. Chase sighed again. "Alright, I'm going to give you one piece of information, but you can't let her know I told you."

"Okay, sure. What is it?"

"I offered her a medicine a few years ago called Remicade that's used to treat Crohn's. It works well for a lot of my patients here."

"She didn't try it?"

Dr. Chase shrugged his shoulders and walked away. I thought she was trying anything and everything to get better. How was I going to bring this up with her?

When I got back into the car, I just kind of sat there listening to the radio for a second. I stopped by a local bakery and bought some muffins and coffee for breakfast. Back at her house, she wasn't in bed or in the kitchen. I peered out from the bedroom balcony to see her sitting on the dock.

I grabbed the muffins and coffee and brought them to her. She had circles under her eyes. I guess she hadn't  slept a lot that night either.

Lily smiled and took the coffee.

"Want a muffin?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"They're chocolate chiiiip," I said playfully, bringing the muffin up to her nose.

She giggled. "Maybe in a little bit."

"How ya feelin'?"

"Eh." She shrugged her shoulders.

"These pills aren't working either, huh?"

She shook her head. She looked so defeated and hopeless. It was heartbreaking to watch. She downed the coffee very quickly.

"Why won't you try Remicade?" I heard my voice say.

My mouth and brain apparently stopped communicating with each other. This was not how I should have approached her. That was not in my plan.

She crushed the empty Styrofoam cup in her hand and then dropped it. "What?"

I didn't say anything back. I wasn't prepared for this conversation I accidentally started.

She got up, obviously pissed off. I followed close behind her.

"Lil, wait," I said, making her stop in her tracks.

She didn't turn around immediately.

"Lily, honey I'm sorry."

Lily turned around with tears in her eyes. "You went to the hospital, didn't you? I can't believe you went behind my back. I can't fuckin' keep decisions about my body to myself?"

"Well I'm sorry that I just want the best for you. Sorry for fucking caring about you," I yelled.

I stayed outside and she went in. Tears were stinging in my own eyes. I sat down on the grass. The lake was very still. I stayed out there for a while, just throwing stones into the water.