Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Simple Reminders

A couple of weeks later, Patriot was really slowing down. The music business is so touch and go. Ryan and I were really working hard but if the songs don't do well, we don't either. I swung open my front door and my house was extremely hot. The thermostat read 90 degrees and the A/C was supposedly turned on. Awesome, my shithole of a house was an oven. It was the last thing I wanted to deal with after a long day of work.

I went right to the bathroom and began brushing my teeth and taking my pills. I was hoping to see Dad's face, even though I knew it wasn't real. In a time of need, I needed a little boost of encouragement from him. When I was looking in the mirror, however, something was off. I knew it wasn't the circles under my eyes and I knew it wasn't the stains on my shirt. His necklace...his necklace wasn't around my neck.

"Oh fuck," I muttered.

I collapsed on my bed, drenched in sweat. Despite my exhaustion, I knew it would be a while before I would fall asleep.

The next day, I burst through the doors of the studio and immediately started flipping up the cushions of the couch and looking under the desks and mixing boards.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked, spinning around in the chair.

"I lost my necklace. It's chain-linked and silver. I wear it every day."

"Sorry Lily, I haven't seen it. It'll turn up though. Don't worry."

I took a seat next to him to work on a track. He was leaving in a couple of weeks for a tour with One Republic. I'd have complete rein on the mixing and engineering for Patriot Records. I was very nervous since this company was Ryan's baby, basically, and I didn't want to screw up anything.

I heard voices coming from the hallway. It was Bruno, Phil, and Ari. They came in, laughing.

"Oh sorry," Ryan said. "Forgot to tell you they'd be coming. Bruno and his band are opening for One Republic for the fall leg so we're ironing out different pieces of the tour."

"Oh cool, cool," I said.

Bruno took a drink out of the fridge and sat down next to me. I was contributing little to the conversation, mostly busy working on the computer.

"You know what would be cool," I said from behind the computer screen after a while of not saying anything. "If you guys did a collaboration at the end of each show. People love collaborations."

"Yeah maybe," Ryan said.

"That's a good idea," Bruno said.

There was a brief pause.

"So Ryan, where's your tour starting for July?" Phil asked.

"Not too far," Ryan said. "San Diego."

"Discovered by the Germans in 1904," Bruno said grinning. The words sounded familiar. "They named it San Diego, which of course in German means a..."

"Whale's vagina," I said at the exact same time as he did.

Everyone cracked up. Thank god everyone knew it was an Anchorman reference because explaining whale's vagina wasn't something I wanted to do.

Bruno and I high-fived each other and just kept losing it, long after everyone else stopped laughing. I hadn't laughed that hard in a while.

For the next several days, they kept coming back. They were putting the finishing touches on Bruno's first album and we listened to what they had done. Even when Ryan left for the first leg of the tour, Bruno and Phil came over a lot to hang out. That's one of the pros to being with the music you make; you make a lot of friends.

I wasn't as alone that summer as I thought I would be.

I hadn't seen the necklace in a while, nobody did. It vanished into thin air. One morning, I woke up and decided to get something to honor and remember Dad by. I got a tattoo on my left forearm. Before going into the studio, I went to the first appointment; it would take three appointments because the design I created was so intricate.

In the center of the tattoo was Layne, written in cursive writing. I gave them a picture of his signature for inspiration. There were vines and roses for a large, square border surrounding his name. Inside the border were words that described him, words that painted a picture of the man he really was. I used words such as hero, kind, sweet, loving, talented, son, friend, and finally, Dad.

Ryan came over briefly before returning home in between tour legs. His wife was having their first baby soon.

"How's it goin'?" Ryan asked.

"Oh it's good," I said smiling, pulling my headphones off.

Ryan eventually saw my arm. He raised his eyebrows. "Did you get a tattoo?"

"Yep," I said. "I still can't find my dad's necklace. I figured if I got a tattoo I couldn't lose it."

Ryan took my arm and examined it. "That's really cool. You designed it yourself?"

I nodded.

___________________________________________________

After rehearsing with the band all day, I took one more stop at Patriot Records before heading home. I wanted to show Ryan a remix I worked on that we could use for our short tour with him, like Lily suggested.

"Is Ryan here?"

"No, he just left. His wife is having contractions. Baby's on the way," Lily said.

"Oh wow, that's great."

When she took a drink I saw ink on her arm peeking out from under her flannel shirt.

"Did you get a tattoo?"

She sighed and smiled.

"Can I see it?" I asked, pulling up a chair beside her.

She pulled up the sleeve on her left arm and turned it toward me. I took her arm to get a better look.

I wanted to ask her about it, about him, but I didn't want to make things weird or be insensitive and say the wrong thing. Turns out, I didn't have to worry. She started explaining away. Her voice never sounded so fragile.

Lily explained how much Layne loved her, and how much he meant to her.

"He was the best dad in the world. Everyone in the media wrote such nasty things about him. He did everything he could to protect me and make sure I didn't get hurt."

I began to understand her, at least a little bit. Underneath all that sarcasm and all those jokes was a damaged little girl buried underneath.

"I miss him. I miss him so, so much, but it hurts even more when people tell me that I'm better off with him gone."

Wow people are cruel. I felt guilty about my own thoughts, my own preconceived notion. I didn't know what to tell her. I wanted to apologize for believing what I did and possibly treating her differently because of that.