Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Christmas 2001

It was Christmas Eve of 2001. I had Lily for the first Christmas Eve in three years. She was so excited for to be with me and I was equally excited. Home Alone was coming on TV at eight o'clock and I promised Lily that we'd watch it together. I was so deep into my addiction. I was so fuckin' sick and Lily was being so sweet as always. She made us breakfast and even cleaned up afterward. She deserved so much better than what she had. I didn't know what she'd be doing with her life when she would get older but I did know that she'd be amazing and successful. We had dinner and Lily went into her room to play for a bit. I sat on the couch and I...well I...I fucked up...big time.

The next thing I remember was waking up at two in the morning. I felt the weight of her body on top of me. Her arms were wrapped around me. A full bowl of popcorn sat on the coffee table with two unopened cans of soda. There was a box on the floor, filled with needles with a jar filled with the liquid form of my failure. I held Lily tightly in my arms.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I'm really, really sorry," I cried quietly.

Lily shuffled a little and then opened her eyes. She smiled slightly. She wrapped her arms around my neck and yawned. "Don't cry, Dad."

I held her tight for a little and slowly stood up to take her in her room. She was already in her pajamas so I gently set her on her bed, watching her climb under the covers. I still felt tears in my eyes as I gave Lily a kiss.

"Don't cry, Dad. It's Christmas."

I smiled back at her. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Goodnight."

"Merry Christmas."

When I got back downstairs I finished cleaning up my mess that Lily had already started and put the presents under the tree. The next morning, I woke up to the smell of bacon. Before I could even get out of bed, Lily was already at the door with a tray of food. My jaw dropped. Her face glowed as she came closer. I took the tray from her and she hopped up on my bed.

"You made me breakfast?"

Lily nodded and I kissed her head. I had the sweetest kid in the world.

"Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Dad."

"Merry Christmas, Lily."

She made me bacon and eggs and a bowl of cereal for herself. We both ate. Lily looked down as she ate and I watched her. She finished first and then took a couple of pills. I moved the tray out of the way and pulled her in very closely. Lily sat on my lap. I took some eggs onto my fork and held it up.

"Lily you want a bite?"

She shook her head.

"Not even one?"

Again, she shook her head.

"Come on, sweetie. I know you're still hungry. One bite won't hurt you. It's delicious," I smiled and winked.

Lily placed one hand on her stomach and rested her head on my chest. I gave up and ate the rest of my meal. Lily got off the bed when I finished; I grabbed the tray and her hand. When we got downstairs, her face lit up when she saw the presents under the tree. She gasped loudly. I really, really missed having her for Christmas morning and that year, I had her for the whole week.

"Whoa!" she exclaimed loudly.

I laughed. "Hold on, baby girl. I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Go check your stocking."

Several minutes later, I came back with two cups of hot chocolate and set them on the coffee table. I held the mug in my hand and took a glance outside. It was a white Christmas. I watched Lily squeal as she looked at all the candy in her stocking and a few games I got her for her Gameboy. She took a break and started to drink her hot chocolate. When she took the cup away from her face, I laughed a little and handed her a napkin.

"Hold on, Lil. You have a chocolate mustache."

Lily laughed and wiped her face and then proceeded to tear apart through all her presents and she was so happy. Having her for the holidays was the best present ever. The last present she opened was one I handed to her from behind the couch.

"Best for last," I grinned.

She tore the last one so fast and screamed when she read the box. I got her a Gamecube. Our living room could be sponsored by Nintendo. Her jaw dropped and she ran into my arms. Her pajamas and body were so warm.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear.

"I love you too Dad. I wanna stay with you forever."