Misprinted Lies (Alice in Chains/Bruno Mars)

Again

I picked up my sample dose of Humira from the doctor's office. It was yet another medicine that I had to take using syringe. Why did all these medicines need to be injected?

When I brought it home I put it in the refrigerator like the nurse told me. It was time to take it so I let it sit out like the directions said. I sat on a stool in the kitchen and took the syringe out of the box, examining it for a while. My heart sped up rapidly. My hand was shaking as I stared at the needle and the instructions.

"Don't be nervous. If anyone can do it, it's you."

Bruno was sitting on the stool beside me. I hadn't even noticed. He gave me an awkward wink. I still loved when he did that and he knew it.

I chuckled a little bit and took the cap off. I took a deep breath and pushed it through my leg and held it for fifteen seconds. I could feel my face cringing.

Bruno cringed back. "How was it?"

I looked down at my leg. "It fucking sucked. I have to do this 4 times a day?"

"That's only for a little while," he said, kissing me on the lips. "I know you can do this."

______________________________________________

For the next two weeks I watched her inject a needle in her thigh four times a day. She hesitated every time; I made her count to three, which worked. She wasn't talking to me much. I knew she was hurting and how much she hated the thought of needles, especially since she had to do it herself this time.

I intended on waking her up in the morning to ask her how she was feeling like I always did. She looked so peaceful though I didn't want to ruin it; she even had a slight smile on her face, which I had never seen before.

I sat down outside on the grass. I fell in love with the Seattle skyline every morning. I felt arms wrap around me and a head on my shoulder. She kissed my cheek.

"Good morning," she said.

"Morning beautiful," I said, smiling, contemplating what to say.

I lifted my arm up and she got under it. "It's another sunny morning, huh? Seattle's never been like this."

Lily paused for a couple of minutes. For once, the silence was golden. She looked really good; she looked rested for the first time in a while.

"Bruno," she said, still forward. I got forever lost in her eyes, reflecting from the water. "I've had Crohn's since I was two years old."

I froze.

"For my whole life I've been...I've been a prisoner to all those pills and hospital visits. That's all fine and...whatever, but it still fuckin' hurt Bruno, and I, and I was taking all those pills. Taking 20 or so pills a day was just enough to manage the pain...kind of. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...and you know I have one...you know who she is."

Even though she sounded distant, she looked captivating. She was stuttering a little bit, but didn't look upset.

"I've hoped and dreamed about a cure for this thing." She paused for a very long time. "I used to think that was the only way to get better, that I would never in a million years be able to beat it. I was settled with the idea that I'd be living with it for the rest of my life."

She smiled at the ground.

Lily took my hand.

"Bruno, I feel...I feel different. I feel...good. I've never felt so good in my life. It's only been a little while this time but it's over...I know it...like...I know it's not over...and this could be a very long remission and that it'll come back in some ways...but I've never had remission...even with my dad when I was taking all the right stuff and eating all the right food"

She took a little pause. "This is just...great. Thank you."

I wrapped my other arm around her, embracing her.

"No problem," I smiled. I was so incredibly happy for her. Watching someone struggling for so long is one of the hardest things in the world. "You fought it all by yourself. I'm proud of you."

Neither of us wanted to let go. It felt so good to hold her when she wasn't crying. I got up and pulled her up by the hand, never letting go. I grabbed both of her hands and put them around my neck and then rested them on her waist.

I lowered my head a little to meet her eyes. "No more pain? At all?"

She shook her head, smiling. "Not right now."

It was genuine smile, the kind I hadn't seen from her in a while, or possibly ever. My best friend was back. Well she was more than back. It was like she was reborn.

"I'm so happy, Bruno," she smiled with happy tears forming in her eyes. "I've never slept so good in my entire life. It doesn't hurt every time I eat something...I'm not nauseous...I'm just... comfortable. I haven't had a panic attack since we've been here. I don't think I need to take anti-anxiety pills anymore. Bruno, I don't think I could've done any of this without you. I appreciate so, so much how much you sacrificed by staying here with me. Thank you."

She never thought she'd beat Crohn's? I didn't do anything. She's the one who beat it. Lily's the strongest person I know. She's my hero.

"You're welcome, Lily. I owed it to you, after all you've done for me. I'd do it all over again, for you," I smiled widely.